(This entry will be posted on May 11, 2013. Because I can't ever remember from week to week what I'd like to say, I'm writing this entry as the days come.)
4/25/13: Last Day!
As I type this, I'm waiting to finish my last day of college: forever! Well, at least I hope forever. People keep asking me if I plan on going to vet school, and my answer is always a quick "NO!". It would require at least 5 more years of school, the extra year just for pre-requisites. Then it requires an interview and programs are competitive. And I would have to declare residency because frankly, out of state tuition is ridiculously high. Did I mention the school loans that would have to go along with all this? I mean, I'm not silly enough to think that, if it were really God's plan for me to move on to vet school, He would not provide what I need to get there. But I definitely don't feel my heart leading me in that direction, at least not in the near future. Plus, I'm just not sure I have what it takes physically and mentally to make it through vet school; it's extremely taxing on your body and mind, having to keep up with the case work/load as well as the stress of how expensive it is and not wanting to fail anything because if you fail you are done. While I don't wish anything bad of a vet student, I will say that there is a surplus of new veterinarians and graduating veterinary students, and the economy is just not there to support the many graduates that will permeate the job market. Some of my classmates are going on to vet school, and I hope they do well and enjoy their time in school. It's just not for me!
5/10/2013: Pinning Ceremony and Graduation
Well, I can FINALLY say I'm officially done forever with school/college. Today was an extremely full day and started out early after a night of not actually sleeping very well or at all. Honestly, the last few weeks have felt very surreal for whatever reason, and I'm not even really sure if the reality of being forever done with the program has fully sunk in yet. Today was difficult in some ways because I had to say goodbye to some awesome instructors/mentors within the program AND in the CVM health center. It was also difficult because I think I realized just how comfortable I had become with the school and most of the people there; I had some great mentors and teachers downstairs (Jamie, Maggie, and Tonya: you guys ROCK!) who taught me ways to not only improve the skills I already knew, but also how to improvise new ways of doing things or looking at things. Now, knowing I probably won't see them or most of my classmates again/for a long time is hard because graduation means having to kind of start over from scratch.
But starting over from scratch has given me the chance to think back over the last two years. I was looking through some of my older blog posts and I thought: "Gee. I was definitely stressed out when I wrote THAT entry." Indeed, there were a lot of times I let my stress get the better of me and I broke down into tears certain that I would fail, had failed, or wanted to leave the program. There was one time over a year ago where I literally had to ask myself if I wanted to stay in the program or not. I'm so glad I had people talking me out of it because I would have been giving up something good if I had left. I remember vividly my first night in my dorm and the emotional meltdown that followed with it. I ended up getting so upset that my sister had to come get me and drive me around campus (after getting a drink from Sonic) to reassure me that what I was going through was normal. Okay, maybe I should have tried to control my emotions a little better and not gotten quite so worked up about being in the dorm, and I had a major tendency to let my emotions get the best of me. I still do unfortunately (trying to work on that). Anyway, the first week in the dorm was difficult especially when I had a difficult roommate, had never lived in a dorm, had never lived away from home until then, and had to learn to make it on my own. I can't even imagine what those 10 weeks would have been like if my sister and brother-in-law had not been in the same town/state. I don't think it would have been very pretty!!! I also remember my first night in my apartment: it was scary! I kinda remember the first week of the program. It was hectic and orientation left my head absolutely spinning, but I was excited to start studying the things that I WANTED to study instead of NEEDED to study. There were hard classes in each block, and each block left me feeling like I would fail at least one class if not more. Even if I just scraped by, I still made it. I tried not to focus on what was ahead, but on what was now: the first half of the spring semester, I had to force myself to keep focused on that block (even though I was taking 3 classes that extended the entire semester, adding up to a total of 22 hours for the spring semester). Summer kind of left me unable to really worry about the coming fall: I was too busy with anesthesia in May and surgery in June to really care what was ahead of me.
Senior year beginning in August is really what has reaffirmed in me what I believe to be true: this is the job I was made for. I honestly think that any person who loves animals and can work with them on a daily basis for years and years is a special person. Like human medicine, there is ALWAYS potential for emotional burnout and compassion fatigue. If anything, it may be more pronounced in veterinary medicine because of humane euthanasia and the technician's active role in that procedure. Whether it is comforting someone who has lost a beloved pet who was 15 years old, or preparing someone for accepting their animal's condition and helping them decide what is best in the long run for the animal, or just being there for someone to grieve with, it isn't easy. Having been on both sides of the glass (i.e. having participated in humane euthanasias for very sick animals and having a pet euthanized because of advanced heartworm disease) I understand both viewpoints. I'm not exclusive in that understanding for sure; I think most of my classmates have also experienced a euthanasia at one time or another. It's when you can pull yourself out of your technician uniform and into that of an owner that your clients really trust you to do what's best for their pet. It's what causes them to trust YOU because you know what they're going through: you've been there. It never gets easier, but you have to learn to cope. There was one week during the fall where it was bookended by life and death: Monday an animal died suddenly, and that same Friday, I helped deliver 7 adorable piglets through c-section. It was a terrible start to the week, but a wonderful ending. Participating in my first ever c-section/birth made me realize how important my job is. It isn't just keeping pets healthy: it's helping an animal to start life off on the right paw/hoof.
I had only a few bad experiences within my rotations, but overall, I had some of the best learning experiences during the past year. It's amazing to think how much I know now compared to the start of the program or even to what I knew last year. This journey has been difficult. It's had ups and downs. I couldn't have made it to this point without my family who supported me every step of the way. It was so nice to have my sister and niece nearby who I could hang out with when I needed a break or just needed to take a step away from the school (not to mention getting to watch my niece grow up AND getting some good home cooked meals. haha). I'm also thankful to my friends who supported me and who I could talk to when I needed to vent (Callie, you know what I'm talking 'bout!). I'm thankful for the things I've learned, but am ready to get out on my own and apply those in a real world job. I don't know where or when that will be, but I'm trusting that God has the job HE wants for me. One chapter has just closed, but another is about to start. And in the meantime, I'll always and forever be a Mississippi State Bulldog! :)
Hail State, and Forever Maroon and White!
