Les Miserables (episode 3)

Last night I was able to catch up on Les Miserables' episode 3 and as always, it did not disappoint. I LOVE that we're getting to spend time with subplots that were only hinted at in the musical versions; it's leading to a better and deeper understanding of these characters.  Episode 3 focused on Valjean's promise to Fantine to bring Cosette to her, Fantine's death, and Javert's obsession with finding Valjean and bringing him to justice for his past sin of stealing 40 sous from a young boy (you can find my review on that episode here).  Javert flushes out Valjean by telling him that he has found the "real" Valjean and he is standing trial in Arras for his theft of the 40 sous. Valjean, racked by a guilty conscience ever since the theft, goes to Arras to see for himself.  When the (innocent) man is being condemned for Valjean's crime, Valjean steps up and declares himself as Jean Valjean.  A powerful scene, as Valjean identifies 3 fellow former prisoners and calls out Javert for accusing the wrong man.  Having never really had clarity on this in the musicals, I appreciated the filmmakers for making this scene. I never knew for sure from the musicals whether or not Valjean actually went to Arras to reveal himself, or if he remained hidden to protect himself.  If this was explicitly stated in the musicals, I've missed it numerous times!

Which brings me to an observation: Valjean's acknowledgment of who he was.  He was guilty, taking the place of an innocent man who had nothing to do with his crimes.  A reverse picture, really, of how Jesus took our place. A completely innocent Man Who paid for guilty sinners with His blood.  Even with the risk of (re) imprisonment, Valjean took responsibility for what he had done.  He was clearly at peace with this decision, because he willingly turned himself over to Javert. He only escapes when he realizes that the woman he'd tasked with fetching Cosette refused. He makes a promise to Fantine, albeit after she dies, to find Cosette and take care of her.  He's put back into the Toulon prison hulks, but 2 years later, we see him free; he (presumably) escaped somehow.

This leads to him finding Cosette and forming a father-daughter relationship with her. He sees how harshly she is being treated by the Thenardiers, and because of his promise to Fantine, he buys her from the Thenardiers...at great cost.  This is another picture of redemption-it may be free for US, but it was NOT free for Christ.  The great cost wasn't 1,500 francs; it was His blood. Cosette did nothing to warrant being bought for such a high price; she just existed.  She was the embodiment of a promise, and Valjean goes to great lengths to ensure that promise is kept. We then see the development of a beautiful father-daughter relationship over the course of the last 20 minutes or so of the episode.  Valjean will stop at nothing to keep her safe, healthy and happy. The episode ends with Javert being angry at Valjean escaping yet again from his grip.

Next episode appears to be a jump forward in time with an older Cosette and Marius. If you have not yet gotten into this series, then what are you waiting for?

Avengers: Endgame (SPOILER WARNING!)

Well, I'm sufficiently heartbroken over fictional characters after Thursday's viewing of Endgame.  Marvel is requesting no spoilers, but since you've been warned, and it's your choice to scroll down, it's your own fault if you read them!  So, stop reading now if you haven't seen it yet and want to remain spoiler free.





































SPOILERS START NOW












I don't even know where to start, to be honest.  The movie was a sucker punch in the gut for Marvel devotees, and I'd go from laughing to crying back to laughing and then to sobbing within the span of a couple of minutes.  Infinity War was awful initially, but then you realize that multiple vanished characters had sequel films coming up and you knew that somehow they'd be coming back.  So, similarly to how I started my Infinity War review, I'll make a list of all those superheroes who either died or survived by the time the end credits rolled. Characters marked with an * have an explanation at the end.

SURVIVED/BROUGHT BACK FROM ASH
Captain America (yay!)
Sam/Falcon
Bucky/Winter Soldier
T'Challa/Black Panther
Shuri
Gamora*
Clint/Hawkeye
Scott/Ant Man
Hope/The Wasp
Henry Pym and his wife (I've forgotten her name)
Bruce/The Hulk
Thor
Valkyrie
Groot
Rocket
Quill/StarLord
Drax
Mantis
Nebula
Doctor Strange
Peter/Spider-Man
Wanda/Scarlet Witch
Carol/Captain Marvel (duh)
Wong

(*Gamora "returned" because the Gamora at the end of the movie was from a different time period. Yes, time travel is heavily involved in this film.)

DIED/VANISHED
Tony/Iron Man ( :( )
Thanos (vanished)
Natasha/Black Widow

Did not return:
Loki
Vision
Gamora (from the correct timeline/time period)


Whew.  I fully expected Iron Man and Captain America to be the ones who died, but I did not anticipate Black Widow, AT ALL.  This scene was one of many that was hard to watch, mainly because she's an original Avenger.  Can I just admit, that I completely ugly cried as Tony was dying?!  I started out in the MCU not even really liking Iron Man, but I didn't realize just how much I've grown to love him throughout the last few years.  Ugh.  So. Dang. Awful!  But the character development there is incredible.  The little pushes they've given Iron Man over the years to move him towards where he is in this film is evident. He's not anything like the arrogant, self-absorbed billionaire we met in "Iron Man" (2008), and I think that is saying something not just of the writing/directing, but also Robert Downey Jr.  What a great performance and what a fitting send off for the hero who started off the MCU as we know it.

As for Captain America, there's a *small* part of me that was pleased with how they wrapped up his storyline. I've shipped Captain Carter (my ship name for Cap and Peggy) since the first Captain America film, and I've always thought he got cheated by not getting his happy ending with her.  I'm so glad he was able to get that happy ending, but like a friend mentioned to me, I wish there had been more time spent on their relationship in the past. Who knows? Maybe it'll be done later on.  Captain America has been my favorite from the very first time I saw the first movie of his, and really he's responsible for me even being a Marvel fan-I had discounted the MCU with the Iron Man, Hulk, and Thor films but when I saw Captain America (and that Avengers teaser at the very end of the post-credits), I was sold. How fitting, also, that they brought up Steve giving his shield (i.e. his mantle) to Sam (as from the comics).  and, can we just talk about THAT MOMENT when STEVE WIELDED MJOLNIR?!  So. EPIC!!!

I may have cried some happy tears when all of the Avengers came back together for the massive battle at the end. Seeing them all return one by one was incredible!  But I think my favorite part was when all of the female Avengers (excluding Black Widow, 'cause you know...) assembled and went against Thanos. If we don't get a female Avengers film sometime soon, then I'll have to go assembling some e-mails to Marvel execs!

I feel like this should be a much longer review, considering the film ran for 3 hours and it's spanned 11 years + 22 movies. I think I'd have to see it again to really delve into everything. I'm hoping to see it again soon so I can fully appreciate everything there!

Les Miserables on Masterpiece (episodes 1 and 2 review)

I bet you can't read the title without at least one bar or measure of music from Les Miserables entering your brain.  Literally, every time I even hear the title "Les Miserables", I get "One Day More" stuck in my head for an hour or so. I love the musical (only the 25th anniversary concert from London, though) so I was a little skeptical about the new adaptation on Masterpiece that premiered April 14. I tried and failed in the past to watch the non-musical adaptation with Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush, and I couldn't make it past the first ten minutes.  But, the previews looked so enticing that I thought I'd give it a try. I'd even tried to start the book this year, but only got to about page 26 of 908 (or however many pages the novel actually contains). I was pleasantly surprised by not only the quality of the adaptation, but also how its lack of Broadway-style music didn't detract from the overall presentation.

The cast has so far been superb. Dominic West as Valjean, David Oyelowo as Javert, and Lily Collins as Fantine.  Dominic West reminds me a lot of Hugh Jackman...only with a little more depth in his acting.  Episode 1 was a great illustration of how the old man (the convict/criminal Valjean) fights with the new man (the redeemed/converted Valjean, will expound on that in a sec), and how a small act of seemingly foolish kindness and love can turn someone's life upside down.  I guess I'm new to who David Oyelowo is-I saw him in United Kingdom with Rosamund Pike and thought he was a very talented actor, and a shame I haven't seen more of his work lately.  As Javert, he's giving a very subtly crafty performance and it'll be interesting to see how that develops over the next 4 episodes.  Lily Collins' Fantine is a little more complicated-I've never been a fan of the character, maybe because of the way Anne Hathaway portrayed her.  Here, though, we get to meet a young woman who makes some wrong choices and they're costly. Yet, despite her poor choices and the consequences thereof, she does try to do the right thing(s) by Cosette.  I never felt like the musicals portrayed her desperation clearly enough. It might be because the musicals are not able to really delve into each character's backstory the way a miniseries can.

We see though, that Fantine is forced unwillingly into a life of prostitution. This is after she goes to great lengths to make money by other means (by selling her hair and teeth), and only when pressed by the Thenardiers to send an extravagant amount of money to "take care of" Cosette.  Episode 2 left us with Fantine on her death bed, Valjean being cornered by Javert and trying to determine whether or not running is the answer, and Javert playing a cat-and-mouse game with Valjean by telling him that the real Valjean has been captured and is awaiting trial.  Valjean's struggle between his "old" self of a convicted criminal and his "new" self of a criminal trying to make a life for himself outside of his prison, comes to a head at the end of Episode 1.  He steals 40 sous from a young boy who simply drops it on the road.  Valjean cruelly tells the boy to move along and refuses to give back the coin. As the boy disappears down the road, shouting, "You're nothing but a dirty thief!" all the way, Valjean is overcome with remorse.  He calls to the boy, but it's too late.  Presumably, it's this interaction coupled with the kindness of the Bishop that finally helps Valjean to pursue an upright life.  And we learn in Episode 2 that Valjean never actually spent the 40 sous that he stole from the boy, nor did he sell the silver candlesticks gifted to him by the bishop in episode 1.  Valjean's struggle, that continues throughout episode 2 and presumably will continue until episode 6, is a beautiful though messy depiction of how the old man and new man in Christ are constantly at war with one another.  We may be saved by grace when we become believers, but unfortunately it doesn't mean we don't have to struggle with our choices or the consequences those choices may/may not bring.  and, Valjean struggles with the concept of love and kindness, especially that of love and kindness of God in the middle of a dirty, ugly, evil-riddled world.

I had someone tell me on Facebook that they just couldn't imagine the story without the "uplifting" musical numbers.  I agree, the music is phenomenal and I'm not by any means trashing the musical version. However, I think the musicals gloss over and overlook certain important interactions between characters.  The time we spent with Valjean in the Bishop's house is a good example-I've felt like the musicals rush past how revolutionary the Bishop's treatment of Valjean really was.  A revolutionary treatment that Jesus exemplified in His earthly ministry (while not overlooking sin).  If you are a Les Mis fan, I encourage you to watch Masterpiece's adaptation. I think you'll find it worth your time.

Avengers: Infinity War (WARNING: LOTS OF SPOILERS CONTAINED WITHIN!)

"10 years in the making."  Or so Marvel likes to remind us. 10 years of films intertwined that lead up to Infinity War, the first hints of which we received at the end of the very first Avengers (if I'm not mistaken about that-I'm fuzzy on pre-Thor films as far as details!).  As for me, I've only been a fan 3 years fewer, really only getting involved in the MCU in 2011 with Captain America and then Thor. Or maybe Thor and captain America. I don't remember. I only remember seeing the Avengers teaser at the very end of CA and being way too excited for it the next year. I was living in Mississippi at the time, and a friend and I decided to hit the Avengers midnight premiere. Literally. I'd never been to a midnight premiere of any movie, and I was thankful for the pre-order function online! We got to the theater at 11, and the movie was already sold out, and the theater itself was half full by 11:30.  I think one of the reasons I love Avengers so much was because of the atmosphere that night. It was GREAT watching it with people who were obviously bigger fans (I mean, some of them had dressed up!), hearing them cheer and clap at various points throughout the film.  Unfortunately, I haven't been back to one since that movie. Only nothing has really been special enough to me to want to see it at midnight (not to mention working the next day kind of takes the fun out of it!).

But, I really wanted to go to the midnight showing of Infinity War. Anyone who knows me fairly well knows how giddy I kind of get over these movies/characters; what can I say? I embrace my nerd side fully. A friend asked if anyone wanted to go, and of course I said yes. Ok, granted, it was the 9:00 showing and not the 12 a.m., but it still counts, right?  I didn't get home until 12 anyway. Haha. 5 of us went last night, and it. was. awesome. Sad. Bittersweet. Shocking. I'm still reeling from some of the deaths we witnessed in the film. Before I go much further, yes, this will have a ton of spoiler material. If you don't want to know, don't read past this paragraph. You've been warned.























Ok. Can I just start out by listing the death toll?

Confirmed dead (we see bodies and/or blood):
Loki (gah!)
Gamora
Heimdall
Vision

Presumed dead ("erased" per Marvel explanation)
Nick Fury
Maria Hill
Peter Parker (gah!)
Dr. Strange (gah!)
Bucky (GAH!!!)
T'Challa (gah!)
Wanda (gah!)
Thor (at least I think he was 'erased', I don't remember seeing him again after Thanos snapped his fingers, but my eyes were a little blurry by credits' end...)
Drax
Mantis
Groot
Peter Quill

Characters completely missing:
Clint Barton
Scott Lang
*Per Natasha: both took deals (think Civil War) for the sake of their families. However, as far as the film goes, their fate is unknown; though, if Ant-Man and the Wasp follows the events of IW, then we know Scott is still alive.

I was shocked, SHOCKED that Loki was killed within the first 10 minutes of the movie. I had an inkling that he might die, just based on things I'd been reading from different fans, but I at least thought they'd let him live half the movie, you know redeeming himself from previous mischief. Nope. The only consolation is that he died to save Thor. Reason 101 why I love him.  Also not happy AT ALL that they killed off Bucky. We had hardly any time with him in this film, presumably when he was back to normal! What gives?!  I just can't. I was so stunned by Loki's death that I had a hard time even crying. Then when other characters began disappearing after Thanos snapped his fingers, the waterworks started. Especially when Peter Parker grabbed onto Tony and said, "I don't wanna go, Mr. Stark. I'm afraid to go." Cue the hard core crying. I had fully braced myself for CA dying, since we know Chris Evans' contract is up after Avengers 4. I was not, however, prepared for the sheer number of characters who died.

One grumble I have against the film is the absence of Clint Barton (Hawkeye).  I'm not sure why he wasn't in the film, I haven't heard any kind of explanation as to why. Poor Hawkeye-he always seems like an afterthought!  For the negative (aside from all the dying), I didn't necessarily like how they all went separate ways and there were almost separate stories for a while. I guess with so many superheroes in one film, they had to do this for the sake of ease.

For the positive: the banter between Strange and Tony was hilarious (although I was waiting/hoping for a Sherlock reference ;) ). Obviously any scene with Peter Parker in it was funny also, he was such a good choice for Spider-Man. And that entrance by Captain America...multiple people in our theater cheered when he showed up!  I've noticed that even though people know Marvel films, they tend to leave when the credits roll. Most of the theater sat through all of the credits, and didn't get up as usual, which I thought was interesting.  Part of me is trying to stay hopeful-we know that in the Marvel universe, people have a hard time dying.  Maybe those who were "erased" will come back at some point. One of my friends made a good point: "This is what needed to happen", says Dr. Strange before he disappears. We know Strange saw 14+ million possible futures, only one in which the Avengers beat Thanos.

Is Strange's comment a clue?  Will Infinity War Part 2 bring back many of these characters (maybe similar to Coulson)?  Or will more characters bite the dust in that film?

We'll find out next May!

(P.S. Make sure you sit through ALL of the credits.  Captain Marvel is teased, since it's coming out in March 2019.)

2017 Reflections

2017 has been a tumultuous year.  Anyone reading headlines or with any connection to a social media platform can tell you this.  I don't think many of us have been unaffected by the past year in one way or another.  For me, it was chaotic in different ways.  Some were good chaotic moments, like starting a new job.  Others, not as great-like the stress of job searching and dealing with some depression.

I want to start off with the good things though.  The main event this past year that was good was the addition of my new niece, Charlotte Mae.  Anyone who knows me knows I talk about my nieces and nephew all the time; being an Aunt is one of my favorite things!  Most of you probably know that I spent the first two years of her life with my first niece Caitlin, getting to babysit her, hang out with her and my sister, and just in general be around a lot.  It's the one part of my Mississippi journey I look back on with fondness, and is something I would do all over again if given the choice.  Charlie Mae came into the world on August 28th.  She's just the best little baby and I adore her, as I adore Caitlin and Carter.  I must admit they have me wrapped around their finger(s).  I spent a few days with my sister, brother-in-law and the kids about a month after Charlie's birth, and it was time so well spent.

I also started a new job.  This was both good and bad-not really "bad" per se, but the road getting there was pretty difficult.  For months prior to starting this new job, I had had to come to terms with some things about myself as a person and as a veterinary technician.  I suffered from burn out before coming to work in Amarillo in 2016, and for a while the job change (and location change) helped tremendously.  I thought that I could achieve 5+ years with my job at CAH, because their techs are utilized and expected to use the skills they've learned (imagine that!)!  I enjoyed getting to stretch my abilities, learning new ones, and grow myself as an individual/technician.  But after a year, I just started to feel deflated again and I could not put my finger on why.  I don't want this to be a poor reflection on my bosses-I had great bosses and co workers there and there are times I miss how we worked together!  Yet the cold, hard reality of veterinary technicians is this: they are overworked, underpaid, and not compensated for what they do.  When I say "not compensated", I'm talking retirement, benefits, etc. that are just not available via private businesses (usually).  I knew this going into the field.  I knew about compassion fatigue early on-in fact, I'm pretty sure I remember having some lectures on it in my first semester of tech school.  You'd be a fool not to have your eyes wide open going into this type of career!  Many people develop this idea of what they think it'd be like and they're usually far off the mark of reality.  It's not all puppies and kittens-it's often cursing/angry clients, difficult conversations about money, diagnoses, and treatments; it's long hours and the reality that you just can't save every animal that walks through your doors, even if you spend hours, time and effort on them to help!  I will say, not all clients are difficult, but some of them I think unknowingly make our jobs difficult because of their attitudes, comments, etc.  But the majority of our clients were awesome and they would treat us well because we treated their pets and them well.

However, I was tired.  Tired of caring. Tired of having to bite my tongue when a client would denigrate me for sticking to my hospital's or doctors' policies. Tired of always feeling like I was never good enough for a client, or feeling like a failure when a mistake was made, even if it didn't result in any damage to the client or animal.  Probably the most telling moment when I realized I was not where I needed to be came in the form of a conversation with a co-worker. We were in a spot where we weren't working well together-I was primarily to blame for this.  She told me, "Look, I know you're not happy here. I can tell every time you come into work."  Ouch.  For a day or two, I really resented that remark because I was still trying to lie to myself and say, "This is just a phase; I'll get through it."  But after weeks of it NOT getting better, my unhappiness only getting worse, and yes, I fell into depression, I finally had to admit, I no longer love the career I worked so hard for.  This just by itself was a difficult admission just to MYSELF.  I'd wanted to work with/for animals for so long (for me), starting in 2008.  I'd moved to Mississippi for heaven's sake to pursue this dream, and went to the trouble of taking a national and state technician exam, not to mention paying extra to switch my RVT to LVT.  Just thinking of the time, the effort, and the money put into what I'd accomplished made me kick against even the thought of doing something else. Guys, I knew that I wouldn't be rich and famous when I pursued being a vet tech. I didn't care!  It was something I was passionate about, and I could not wait to get into practice.  Most of you, regardless of your field of study, know what I'm talking about.  I was a crusading vet tech (as my family will testify to), and nothing could get in my way of achieving my dream.  So when I looked at having to leave it, because I simply could NOT continue on, I fought.  I felt like I was betraying myself, betraying those who had supported me throughout the years, betraying the people who believed in me and encouraged me to pursue this dream.  That was my key emotion through all of this: BETRAYAL.  How dare I consider doing something else, when all I'd wanted was what I was doing?

I've never admitted this to anybody because I brushed it off at the time.  I was NOT suicidal.  I never once thought how to end my life, or anything like that.  But I DID wonder, "if I didn't wake up in the morning, would people even miss me?  How long would it take for them to realize I'm not there?  Would people even care to attend my funeral?"  That's when I realized: enough is enough. I cannot keep doing this, even if choosing something else feels like betrayal.  My college career had started back (ugh), so I thought I'd be spending the next 2.5 years working to get my medical laboratory technician certificate.  Going back to school wasn't my ideal-I actually resisted this quite a lot because I detested the thought of going back to school. Needless to say, I'm glad my one (and hopefully final one ever!) class is over with.  Back to my emotional state though-this is about the time I decided I needed to tell SOMEBODY how depressed I was.  I reached out to a couple of close friends, one who is studying for Biblical counseling, to have breakfast here in town one Saturday.  Being able to talk about how I was feeling, and sharing some of my personal struggles is not easy for me.  Yet when I felt like I was physicallly suffocating because of my job, I knew I needed to come clean.  They listened, prayed for me, and encouraged me with their own journey(s).  One thing I shared with them was how apathetic I felt about absolutely everything in life.  No matter what I tried, I could not care about anything or anybody around me.  I hated the clients, I hated my job, I hated the animals, I hated my life.  I should also mention that during all of these months, I was not walking with God the way I should have been. I'm not going to sit here and say that my emotional issues were due just to my sinful state-nor am I going to claim that my emotional issues could be resolved WITHOUT the God I serve.  I believe there is a place for medical doctors to step in and help, and I believe that God is the Great Physician over all.  However, I also firmly believe that sin can come between us and God, and it can hurt us tremendously.  Sin wrecking lives is evident in present day and throughout history.

In summary, the things that were dragging me down were: a) state of my finances-when you worry about whether or not you can pay your rent every month because your hours are less than they were last month, this stresses you out incredibly. And when you never know how many hours you'll be scheduled, you never know how much your paychecks are going to be. B) losing my healthcare at the beginning of the year because I was turning 26 and my parents couldn't carry me on theirs after January 1. Yeah.  I could NOT afford any health insurance on my previous salary.  C) my own sinfulness-I had disregarded my line of communication with God through neglecting Bible study and praying; once I realized how far I'd strayed, God has been working to restore me to a faithful state to Him.  This is one reason I pursued getting into a Bible study through my church, I needed some help getting back into studying the Word and searching for the answers in that instead of in myself (which is what I had resorted to, in all honesty). D) A new job.  My classmates in tech school could probably tell you that I was going to be the last person EVER to work in a laboratory setting. I used to think it would be so boring to work in a lab, not getting one-on-one interaction with animals, etc. (my passion was food animal/cattle, and when this was taken away from me at a job I really believe this is when this cycle started).  Now, I work in a [veterinary] diagnostic laboratory and I really like it.  I have a long, long ways to go before I'm even close to being proficient in everything, but I feel like I've come a ways just in the almost two months I've been there.  Did I mention I'm also working full time with benefits, paid holidays/sick/vacation?  Yep. Oh, and retirement because it's a government institution.  It may not be as "exciting" as private practice, but my slight pay increase along with working full time has been a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders.  This job came at the perfect moment, when I was at the point I was ready to quit my previous one and work at Walmart until I could find something better.

I'm incredibly blessed by a church and friends who I feel love me like family.  I love them like family.  I can call on them if/when I need them, and as church settings go, I have never been happier than where I am right now.  I want to brag on my church's staff for a second, they just have hearts for others and serving others that it's something I want to emulate.  I told our worship pastor this, but he has been one of the reasons I've come back again and again to choir.  He always teaches the Word, and inevitably it's always something I'm needing to hear in that moment.  While we were preparing for last Easter's musical, there was one night where he had us break into groups to pray.  One of the sweetest ladies I know prayed, and though she didn't realize it, she was praying for something I was going through and the feelings I was experiencing right then. I am not ashamed to say I completely broke down into tears in front of several other people.  These ladies just loved on me in that moment and I knew they were praying for me.  I've had people that I barely knew before last fall become some of the best people in my life.  God is great, and He knows who to put in our lives so He can work through them.  most of these women probably don't even know how God used them to minister to me when I was hurting.  If you prayed for me, encouraged me, supported me during the last year at TBC, then THANK YOU so, so much!  I love each and every one of you as my church family and as brothers/sisters in Christ.

Let me say this: my apathy and depression have not completely gone away. I struggle with them each and every day, and some days is worse than others.  But I saw the warning signs of compassion fatigue and GOT OUT when I could BEFORE it got any worse.  Fellow technicians, veterinarians: if you're feeling worn out, like you can't do your job any more, or you feel like you will scream if you have to step back into your job on a day to day basis, you are NOT ALONE.  Please do not let pride or stubbornness get in your way of getting help.  Even if you are just turning to friends outside of your work, TELL SOMEONE.  I'm begging you not to be a statistic, because almost every veterinary professional knows that veterinary medicine has one of the highest rates of suicide in the nation.  You are NOT turning your back on what you love or what you've loved just because you are no longer who you were in vet school. It's okay to admit that this is no longer your passion.  You are not a failure, you are not inadequate, you need to make sure YOU are healthy overall, and mental/emotional health is one of the most important things you can take care of.  One of the hardest things to do is to admit there is something wrong, but it's okay.  If you need help, or you're feeling worn down by your job, talk to someone about it. Don't keep it bottled inside.

And most of all, if you are a Christian and you're struggling with depression/suicidal thoughts, talk to your pastor BUT also consider talking to a medical doctor.  There is nothing sinful about pursuing medical help with depression.  Please don't let judgmental people stop you from getting the help you need. Just remember that God is Healer, and He probably won't remove you from your circumstances, but use your circumstances to draw you closer to Him.  He has never really removed me from the circumstances or made my life all roses and rainbows, but has called on me to keep trusting Him through the storms.  One of the sermon series we had at our church last summer was on Psalm 23, and I was able to recently catch up on the sermon about the valley of the shadow of death.  The pastor made a point I'd never considered: that the Shepherd promises to lead us through the valley of the shadow of death.  "He never leads us where He hasn't already gone before."  He's already been there, in that valley, and that's why He's able to lead us through it.  It's also only the shadow of death-shadows can't harm you, right?  It's because as Christians, Christ has already overcome the darkness-Satan still has dominion right now in this world, but ultimately, Satan is the loser in the spiritual battle being waged.  Things may not get better, in fact, things will probably get worse before they get better if you're in a hard part of your life. But the great thing is, we never have to walk those hard parts alone because we're accompanied by a Savior who loved us enough to die on the cross for our sins. 

THAT'S amazing grace, isn't it?!

I hope 2018 is a smoother year, but if not, I can rest in the knowledge that I know a God Who is King of the universe.

"The Man Who Invented Christmas" is Charming! (Review: SPOILERS)

Okay, my title might be a little corny, but if you know me you know I can be a little corny at times.  As the title states, this post will be a brief review of the recently released film, "The Man Who Invented Christmas", starring Dan Stevens and Christopher Plummer.  I'll start off by saying I'm probably a little biased towards this film; ever since I read "A Christmas Carol" in January 2010, I've been in love with the story itself.  The 2009 Jim Carrey version only fueled my newfound love. I grew up watching the George C. Scott version every year (one of my dad's favorites!), and even though it takes some liberties I don't care for, I've come to love it along with the animated version.  I read the book each year on Christmas Eve (yes, it CAN be done!  There's only 5 chapters!), though sometimes I save chapter 5 for Christmas Day.

So you can imagine that I was rather intrigued when I heard about a biopic about its author Charles Dickens.  I didn't hear about it until fairly recently, and while I was home for Thanksgiving this week I showed my parents the trailer. My dad is like me, he enjoys "A Christmas Carol" and was looking forward to seeing the film also.  So we came to the conclusion that after our Black Friday shopping we needed to see this film. I'm so glad we did!  I only know some about Dickens' life and his inspiration for writing the book. Focus on the Family published a great biography in the front of "A Christmas Carol" that I read in 2010-another great part of this version is it includes footnotes which explain and de-Victorianize some phrases/context mentioned in the text, making it more understandable and relatable.  But I digress.  My dad, after seeing the trailer, downloaded the book "The Man Who Invented Christmas" which is what this film is based off of.  I ordered it from Barnes and Noble just today and I'm looking forward to reading the book!

Back to the film itself: I've been skeptical about Dan Stevens ever since he left Downton Abbey.  Okay, I know: he's an actor and felt like he needed to do something else after 3 seasons. I get it.  I've gotten over it...I guess.  Matthew was and is still one of my favorite characters from the show.  I've only seen him in 3 things outside of DA: Night at the Museum 3 (which was awful all around), Beauty and the Beast (um, just no?), and this film.  Out of the 3, this has been his best non DA performance so far for me.  The comedy, depth of emotion, and light heartedness that he approached this role with is, well...charming!  I couldn't help but fall in love with Dickens throughout the film (the fact that Stevens is easy on the eyes probably helped with this).  I just thoroughly enjoyed Dan's portrayal of Dickens, whether it was accurate to him or not.  Christopher Plummer as Scrooge also did not disappoint-am I the only one who wishes we could get A Christmas Carol movie with him as Scrooge? While I'm fairly certain that they took some license with Dickens' life, and possibly even downplayed some of the hardships he faced personally, I think you walk away from this film with the same feeling after watching A Christmas Carol-your spirits are lifted (no pun intended) and you leave feeling hopeful.  The supporting cast for this film were delightful as well.  Whether accurate or not, you could see how these different characters and elements inspired Dickens as he wrote "A Christmas Carol" in 6 weeks.

If you're looking to take your young kids to see it: it's not going to pique their interest.  There's a lot of talking, story formation, etc. that will likely bore them to tears.  This would be great for older kids (12+) who can appreciate the humor and the heart behind the film.  Regardless, it's an enjoyable family friendly film that can be enjoyed by young and old alike.  According to my dad, he would have been lost without having read the source material first; it would be a good idea to read "The Man Who Invented Christmas" in addition to "A Christmas Carol" (they obviously reference dialogue, scenes, and elements!), but certainly go see it even if you haven't read either.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars (MPAA rating is PG)

Falls Creek 2017, "Remnant"

Facebook doesn't allow for great blog posts.  Or if it does, I haven't found that feature yet.  But what do I care? I don't blog enough to notice!  However I do feel like I need to spend just one post on something that happened this past week.

It's a little thing called Falls Creek.

Some of you may be completely unaware, but Falls Creek is nestled in the Arbuckle Mountains in Oklahoma, less than 30 miles from Ardmore and 10 miles from Davis.  If you've heard of Turner Falls, it's in the same general area.  Falls Creek was begun in 1917 by two men who wanted to create a Baptist youth camp for Oklahoma.  There were so many little "falls" in the creeks that they named the camp, "Falls Creek" and thus 100 years of incredible, life-changing summers was begun.  It's a special and unique place, because every church has to bring their own food and supplies and cook their own meals.  Most camps you go to provide your food for you cafeteria style, but not Falls Creek.  No, it's very different.  You feel very isolated, yet you don't have to go far to reach a busy interstate (I-35).  It's THE largest Baptist youth camp in the world and if I'm not mistaken, THE largest Christian youth camp in the world.  THE WORLD. How incredible is that?  For 8 weeks during the summer (this excludes their children's camps, Indian Falls Creek, and any other camps or gatherings they may have), they see upwards of 6,000 people PER WEEK.  It blows my mind every year I go and see how many people flock to the Creek for camp.  And the week we go is only a small part of the entire summer.

But why is it so special?  It's all of the things above: the atmosphere, the people, the legacy, and the history.  But for me, it's special in another couple of ways.  First, I literally grew up going to Falls Creek every year, starting when I was about 5.  My family and I have been part of Falls Creek for a whopping 1/5 of its existence (20 years for all you math majors out there!).  We've been really an insignificant part of its existence if you think about it.  But we've been part of it!  I remember when I was little, or at least a little younger, going to the old tabernacle every day for worship services.  When I say old, I mean: no air conditioning, hard wooden benches, flooding down the aisles any time it rained.  These kids think they're roughing it with it being so hot during the day?  It's nothing compared to sweating it out during the evening services in the Tabernacle, or having to take a pillow to sit on because the benches were so uncomfortable.  I remember the swimming pool that was always ice cold, and not being allowed in the creek(s) because it wasn't safe.  I vaguely remember the old horseshoe pits and the old meeting areas where we'd have Bible studies.  Just in the last 11 years (2006 was the end of Texas Week at Falls Creek, which was made up of exclusively Texas churches for several years), I've seen a lot of changes.  The old tabernacle was torn down to make way for a larger, air-conditioned, modern tabernacle (which by the way, is super nice and I'm not complaining about having AC!), the swimming pool was also removed to make way for the tabernacle's expansion.  The BB McKinney chapel no longer exists, as it was torn down to make way for a new Missions Village and Plaza.  The volleyball courts and softball field were removed so that a new World Missions Center, Event Center, and amphitheater could be built in its place. And now, just this past year, the old concessions stands were taken out to make way for Centennial Plaza, that has new (and in my eyes improved) icee hut as well as a new 1917 Cafe/Gift Shop.  The old gift shop that was one of my favorite places to go in camp has been converted into public restrooms.  Even the ice house, where you would buy bags of ice, is no longer there.  New cabins are even being built, some as large as a hotel (First Ada, I'm looking at you!).  Within the last few years they even built a new lodge for visiting speakers/personnel as well as for any conferences/retreats they may have.

Falls Creek may have changed or be changing, but the purpose has never changed.  The purpose has been and always will be the same: giving glory to Christ.  The whole purpose of the 8 weeks (and beyond) is to point people to the Savior and to win those people to Jesus.  This was never more evident than this past week in our group.  We had the privilege and blessing of taking 15 young students, ranging from 7th grade to 12th grade, 10 girls and 5 guys with 6 sponsors.  Monday night was Monday night, the Mike Romero band had a hard time getting everyone in the mood to worship because it's the first night of camp; it's hard to focus around the excitement.  An invitation is never held on Monday night; I believe Andy Harrison (program director) explained at one time that they feel that an invitation on Monday night has too much emotion attached to it.  They want decisions to be genuine, and they feel that a Monday invitation is too emotional what with all the excitement that comes with Day 1 of camp.  Anyway.  Tuesday-Friday were the invitation nights.  I've had the privilege the last few years to serve as an Adult Encourager on the decision team; basically what they do is after a Decision Team member finishes counseling with a student or adult, they bring that person to me.  As an Encourager I check the information, including the decision they're making, I literally encourage them, pray for them, then dismiss them and their DT member.  Sometimes, in overwhelming response, they call on encouragers to act as those DT members to counsel someone.  That was me on Tuesday night; I counseled two girls making rededication decisions.  I had no idea how God was working in our own group that night.  FOUR of our group made salvation decisions that night; 3 were siblings!  Two brothers and one sister gave their lives over to Jesus that night.  Another girl in our group also rededicated her life to Jesus.  The siblings that followed Jesus, I have to say I don't think I've ever seen teenagers more hungry for the Word of God than they are/were.  Their honesty at saying, "I don't understand this, can you help me understand it?" was so refreshing.  We as adults need to be more open and honest about things in the Bible we don't understand.

The week went well, everyone pretty much got along with everyone else.  We had a lot of first timers going, and they adapted to camp very well.  We had primarily middle school students, but I so enjoyed getting to know all of our kids over the week; I didn't know most of them very well and was afraid I wouldn't be able to develop any kind of relationship with them.

We all thought that God had done something amazing in our cabin that week, something we rarely see with 4 salvations in one night.  But He wasn't done at all!  Friday night, our last night, I went down to the front as usual during the invitation.  And I spotted a young girl from our group come down.  She wasn't even a camper; her mom was one of our sponsors and this girl's sister was one of our campers.  She (the girl making a decision) came with her little brother for the day, and she accepted Jesus as Lord.  Needless to say I could NOT hold back my tears of joy!  And to top it off, I had the privilege of being her encourager!

Falls Creek 2017 was one of the best years at camp.  I can't fully explain why FC is so special to me.  You go excited and come back exhausted.  But it's a good kind of exhausted, especially when you have this kind of week to reflect back on.  When you know that the entire purpose was to bring those 6 people to camp, what else do you need?  God works all things in advance, and He's working even when we don't realize it.  That was very evident this past week.  God put all of us where He wanted us this week.

If you ever have a chance to go to Falls Creek yourself, I highly encourage you to.  It will be a place you will not easily forget.