For Now...

Well I know I haven't posted about chapter 10, but I've decided not to blog very often/at all.  I don't feel like it does much good, and nobody reads my blogs, so there's no point in it really. 

As they say in middle-Earth, Namarie...or Farewell.

Lady of Conviction

Here is Chapter 9: Lady of Conviction.  This chapter was a good one, as it hammered on not lowering your standards to get married or even to date. I want to start this off with this funny quote: "Ruth's choice to wait for God's best resulted in her union with a Boaz rather than a Bozo."  I don't know why I find that funny, but think about it: what happens when you run ahead of God's timing/plans?  You usually end up either hurting yourself and/or hurting another person.  If you run ahead to get a Bozo when you could've gotten a Boaz by waiting, think about all the regret you'll have. "Ruth's wise choices resulted in her experiencing God's overwhelming goodness."   One thing I really liked about this chapter is how it emphasized NOT lowering your standards for any man.  I often think my ideals and standards are too high for anybody to reach.  Yet, as Josh Harris said in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", you should set your standards so high that not even you can reach them.  Harris was referring to a standard of purity, but I think that setting your standards so high that nobody can reach them, then you might be less willing to compromise on your beliefs or standards.

For instance, I have a set of standards that I desire in a boyfriend/future husband. He cannot drink. Whatsoever. I just will not tolerate it in a boyfriend. That is a standard that I'm not willing to compromise on because I don't drink and I don't want to be with a boyfriend who does.  I don't care if he tells me "I'll quit drinking for you" because generally they never follow through with it.  "You cannot make good choices without proper, biblical convictions. Don't carelessly leave your dating/relating standards to chance."  And yes, I know that people in the Bible drank wine, but in reality, the wine of the time was little more than strong grape juice with little-no fermentation. You'd have to drink a ton of it to get drunk.  We're told that our bodies are a temple for/of the Holy Spirit, and we should treat our bodies accordingly. Drinking, smoking, drugs and promiscuous/pre-marital sex is abusing the temple of the Holy Spirit, so I don't stand for any of that in a future dating relationship.
They gave a list of example standards that would be good for anybody to model.
Qualities of Mr. Right:
1. Spirit-controlled Christian
2. Jesus is #1
3. Broken and fully dependent on Jesus
4. Ministry-minded
5. Motivator; man of vision
6. Sensitive spirit for others
7. Understands the responsibility of a husband to his wife
8. Humble enough to be teachable and teach others
9. Man of prayer
10. Family man
Most of my guidelines for Mr. Right are not far from this list, but I think that I'm going to adopt this list as my own.  Sound too good to be true?  You know, if God can number the hairs on your head, and watch the sparrows, don't you think He'll bring you His best if you're meant to get married?  Of course He will, if it's in His ultimate plan. So, before you go out on another date, or you're asked to date somebody, consider your standards. Will that person make you compromise, or will you stand firm on your beliefs and not budge an inch?

Chapter 10 is tomorrow, and though I've already read it, I've got a lot of thoughts on it!

Lady of Contentment

After reading this chapter, I'm beginning to wonder if it really belonged in the front of the book!  This chapter focused on being content while you're single.  Do you know how hard it is to be content while single?  Now, I would say that I've been pretty content since I was 13.  I suppose it comes from not being in public school and not feeling a lot of pressure to date, though I do get funny looks from people when I tell them I've never dated and I'm 18!  But discontentment isn't just for single women; did you know it is a situation for everyone?  Who knew?!  But in regards to singleness, if you don't start becoming content with your singleness, it'll seep into your marriage as well: "If you are presently discontent as a single woman, you can count on being dissatisfied as a married woman in the future."  Okay, so that does sometimes apply to me...but for the most part, I'm content to be single. Being able to wait has to do with not only your character, but the character of those around you. All of my friends encourage me to keep up my standards and to keep doing what I'm doing; i.e. put my future in God's hands because they're on the same road I am. 

I don't think this chapter would have been complete, or perhaps this book, without mentioning the ways that guys unintentionally lead girls astray.  What I'm about to say is not intended to offend, but come on, most guys are pretty clueless when it comes to us. *Can I hear an amen from the girls? :) *  Sometimes, you don't realize how what you do affects us...but girls, let's be honest, sometimes we get carried away.  I love the example they gave here: a guy wrote a letter to his friend (who was a girl), beginning it "Dear Sunshine."  Think they were dating? Think again! They were only friends. Now first of all, the guy was not smart to call her Sunshine. Now if it were in jest (like REmember the TItan's 'Sunshine') then maybe it'd be okay. But no!  Unfortunately, they didn't tell how the girl felt about this...but I can imagine what she did feel. And for us girls, we all know what that was, right?

And sometimes, we girls can lead ourselves astray. Ever found yourself having "visions" of a future together with a certain someone?  I know I have. Never was I told that it's wrong! Ouch. This part really hurt my toes because it pointed a finger directly at me. If you fantasize yourself with someone while you're single, you'll do the same thing after you're married. So what's the solution? Every time you start thinking about those things, immediately hand them over to Jesus.  That's what I'm going to try to do anytime I'm tempted to daydream.
Last, we need spiritual monitors; a person or persons to tell us not to let our expectations of guys get ahead of God's plan. They need to tell us, "I'm glad for you, but don't let your heart get carried away. Remember it's in God's hands, not yours."  Truthfully, it may hurt sometimes because you don't want anybody bursting your bubble, but in the long run, wouldn't it be for the best?
I'm going to close with a couple of quotes: "Singleness does not produce lack of contentment any more than marriage provides contentment. Lack of contentment is the result of the terrible burden of wanting life on your own terms."
"Dating is not a reward or a prize for living for Jesus. A Friday night without a date is often a night of 'being spared' by an all-wise Umpire (God)."

Lady of Security

It's been a while since I blogged. This is fairly short, mainly because it's been a while since I blogged on it.

First off, about the Lady of Security. This chapter basically dealt with being secure in the Lord regardless of how many dateless nights you have. It also discussed how to be so secure that you don't go out of your way to manipulate the opposite sex...either through friendship or through another avenue.  There's nothing wrong with being friends with guys, or even in calling them or hanging out, but the motives behind the actions is often what gets us girls into a lot of trouble.  And I can honestly say that in the past, my motives with guys (if I liked them, that is) weren't always innocent...I think every girl is guilty of it or will be guilty of it because hey, when you're a teenager, you don't know what you're doing most of the time. (Note: that is NOT an excuse)  Another thing this chapter touched on was not going after guys. How many girls do you know (and possibly you have done it too) who have a reputation of being boy-chasers? It seems that boy chasing gets started at a younger age these days...I mean, 2nd graders talking about their boyfriends?! Seriously?!!!  So, if you are one of these boy chasers, how do you remedy that?  Well, first of all, quit going after them! When you're friends with them, what are your motives? Are you being friendly in the hopes that he'll come to like you, or are you friends with him purely out of a desire to be friends? Instead of chasing after a boy, strive to become a woman of excellence, and develop security in the Lord. He'll take care of you regardless of your situation and circumstances, and this goes for guys too.  Guys and girls should focus on being the men and women God wants them to be, not on if they can get a date for Friday night. Rest in Him and be secure in Him!

I accidentally skippd a chapter (without realizing it), so tomorrow I will post about 2 chapters.

"We Invite You all to come to TEXAS!"

Okay, so this past week has been really busy for us.  I hadn't seen any of my grandparents for at least a year, maybe year and a half.  But Wednesday was the day I was really looking forward to: we got to see the play TEXAS! in Palo Duro Canyon!  It was our 7th or 8th time to see it, but the last time we saw it was approximately 12 years ago when I was about 6. I only remembered bits and pieces of it, so I really expected to be able to remember everything I saw, haha. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  We started our "Texas" day by going to West Texas A&M University to the Panhandle Plains Historical Museum, a museum which *obviously* focuses on the history of the Panhandle Plains.  For $10, the museum was worth it!  I thought, "oh, it's only this first floor and there's nothing else to it" and I thought we'd be done with it in 30 minutes.  I was wrong. I didn't realize how big it was/is!  My favorite part of the museum was, of course, the part focusing on Native Americans and cowboys.  My dad and I watched a video about how INdians slaughtered and butchered buffalo, and just to be perfectly honest, it's absolutely disgusting, but absolutely fascinating.  They don't let any of the buffalo (except maybe the skull) go to waste. They used every piece of the buffalo for survival. It drove home what killing the buffalo really meant: the Indians harvested their food, clothes, weapons, and shelter from the buffalo herds.  The survival of the buffalo meant the survival of the Indians.  It was utterly depressing to think how we whites were so blinded by greed and misunderstanding that we drove to extinction an animal that an entire culture depended on. 

But anywho, the museum was really awesome and we got to see another video about the Battle of Adobe Walls, something Quanah Parker (the son of Peta Nacona) was connected to.  You may wonder why I find anything about Quanah and Nacona fascinating, but that's because the town I live in was named after Peta Nacona, a Comanche chief.  The absolute best part of the day though, was getting to go back to Palo Duro Canyon.  I hadn't been there in about 12 years and I forgot just how beautiful it is.  Our dinner wasn't served until 6, so we drove around for a good hour just sightseeing.  AFter we ate a dinner served by the Big Texan (a restaurant in Amarillo famous for their *free* 72 oz. steak), we had to wait around for about an hour and a half to 2 hours. We went to the gift shop (where I got a really awesome TEXAS shirt), and signed the guest book, followed by pinning a pin to Nocona on the map of Texas.  They had 3 maps there, one of the world, one of the U.S. and one of Texas; everyone who signed the book placed a pin on their hometown or where they came from.  We were the only ones that night that I know of that pinned Nocona.

TEXAS, a musical drama set in the Pioneer Ampitheater (in the heart of PDC), has been running for 45 years straight!  THey have a tradition every performance night (from June-August, 5-6 nights a week): they give away a miniature dinner triangle to whoever traveled the farthest. In all of the 45 years the show has been running, they have NEVER given a triangle away to someone from the continental U.S.  THe night we went, a man from SAudi Arabia won the triangle (he had traveled over 8,000 miles).  The play itself was absolutely amazing.  The music is as fun as I remember, the dancing as mind-boggling as ever.  For anybody who has seen it, even once, you know what I'm talking about! The only thing I disliked about this musical was the sexual innuendos.  I don't recall those being in the original play(s), and my parents said that those things had been added in.  In that sense, it lost some of its family friendliness. The show started at 8:30 (probably 8:40 after they got past the opening announcements), and of course, The Rider on the Rim started it all off.  Poor guy was fighting the wind, the Texas flag, AND his horse, but he managed to pull it off.  The show ended at around 11:15, with a grand finale of fireworks and all 6 flags of Texas running past on horseback (France, Spain, Mexico, the Confederacy, Texas, and United States). Oh, I meant to mention Quanah Parker's appearance!  I really wasn't expecting him to show up, but his 2 scenes were really well done, even though the actor playing him wasn't an Indian.  After we left the show, we filed past all the dancers, chorus singers, and actors who had done the show, and I got all the autographs of the principal actors (Tucker Yelldell, Kate Lucas, Uncle Henry, Aunt Anna, Elsie McLean, and Calvin Armstrong). 

Yesterday we (with my dad's parents) went to Lubbock.  Lubbock is where I was born and is the home of the Texas Tech Red RAiders (Get your GUns Up!).  We went to the Science Spectrum, a place I haven't been to in YEARS.  We had to wait for the OMNI movie, so we went through the Science Museum. It hasn't changed hardly at all!  I remembered most of everything very well from when I was a little kid, but I have to say, I didn't find it as fun as I once did, maybe because I know too much about science now?  NOthing really spectacular happened in the Science part, so I'll move on to the OMNI movie.  We ended up seeing "Wolves", a documentary about wolves in Yellowstone and Canada and how wolves are being introduced back into the wilderness by people like those of the Nez Perce Indian tribe(s).  My favorite part of the movie was the music.  It was all Native American tribal music, and man was it beautiful!  Now I don't buy into all the things they do...I mean, "brother and sister Wolf?"  but I do find the culture of Native Americans very interesting...maybe because they've been miscontrued for so many years. 

All in all, this week has been great, but I'm ready for some sleep in my own bed!

Lady of Purity

This chapter is hard to write about because it deals with sex and purity.  Yeah, so this one will be pretty short simply because I don't care to divulge my full thoughts on the matter. 

"We live in a day of blatant sexual impurity. A woman who marries, still a virgin, has become the exception, no the rule."  How true that is.  To me, that statement means not only a sexually pure woman, but a woman who hasn't gone beyond hugging/kissing.  People try to rationalize petting or touching as "well we didn't actually have sex", but it still is impure. Now my favorite part of this chapter was this: "a woman has a depth of soul that desires an intimate friendship, apart from anything physical, with the man she loves. She desires to be known for the woman she is, not just for her physical body."  One woman even said that she refused to call dating dating, but rather friendship building.  I thought, "well that's what i want to do! The dating relationship would only be an extension of the friendship."  Another thing this chapter touched on was saving your kisses for marriage/your future husband.  Everybody asks why I would choose to save my first kiss for my wedding day, and I tell them simply: my first kiss is like a piece of my virginity-once I give it away, I never get it back.  Why NOT save it for my husband?  Also, kissing someone can lead to more physical contact and can rapidly lead to sex.  I'd rather just avoid that altogether and save it for the wedding day.

An important thing to note: it's very vital that you have boundaries/standards before you go out on your first date. Don't set your standards as you go. Have your boundaries ready before you date. It's funny how their example standards are almost exactly like mine:

Date only growing Christian men (men who are constantly growing in their relationship with God)
Concentrate on the friendship- build a friendship with guys and the one that you will eventually start dating. Never stop being friends with that person.
Don't spend time with him (or any guy) when you're at home alone.
Don't give hugs and kisses freely
Don't lay down beside a man (it can lead to something you don't want it to).

I've run out of things to say...I think this is my shortest yet.

Lady of Devotion

This chapter kinda convicted me on several levels, so if it seems vague, that's the reason why.

Yesterday, after traveling 5 hours and being tired to begin with, I didn't feel much like reading chapter 5.  So I read it a few minutes ago to catch up. This chapter talked about how single women can devote more of their time to developing their relationship with God than married women can.  She's able to focus on her Heavenly Lover without being distracted by an earthly boyfriend or husband.  One thing that got me with this chapter was the hammering on seeking God with your whole heart.  I certainly have not been doing that.  Oh sure, I try to have a daily devotional, but for the past year or more, I've felt like it's just something I do because it's routine.  In fact, a friend and I were talking about it one night, and I said, "you know, I just don't feel like doing my devotional; it's not something I look forward to, but rather something I do because it's part of my routine."  She responded, "I feel the same way. What's the point in doing something if your heart isn't in it?"  Now I know that we all go through days where we think, "I really don't have the time to sit down and do this devotional!  I have to be at work (or school, or church)."  So, if I ever need to be somewhere early, and I want to do a morning devo, I just have to make myself get up a little earlier so that I'm not pressed for time in getting ready OR in doing my devotional.  Did you know that seeking God is like developing a friendship?  Makes sense though, right?  I mean, in order to be *close* friends with somebody, you have to spend time with that person: getting to know them, what they like and dislike, their character and even their quirks.  It's the exact same way with God: In order to get to know Him on an intimate level, we have to stop and take a few minutes a day to just sit down and read the Bible and listen to what He has to tell us.  I've always been confused on how to "be still" and listen to God's voice.  But, I realize that whenever I get it into my head to journal my devotionals, sometimes I write two or three pages and it's something that I need to pay attention to.   Or in these authors' words: "learn to listen to Him as you read of His love and thoughts about you in the Bible. Think about what He is saying to you personally. Sit silently and write what impressions come to your listening heart." 

You could compare that to taking notes for a sermon.  Why do you take notes?  Just to have something to do?  For me, it's because I feel like I might want to look back on that information because I might need to be reminded of something that I've forgotten about God.  I try to pray this every SAturday night before church: "Lord, please help me to listen to what You have to tell me tomorrow, and please give my dad the words You want him to say, and the words You want me to hear. Convict me of any sin that needs to be taken care of."  I don't always listen to Him though, when it comes to sin. sometimes I act like I didn't hear Him.  But I want to cultivate more of a devotion to Him in me.  He either wants all or none of my heart, and it's time I give Him first place forever.  Now, at the end of every chapter are some spaces/questions where you can write down your thoughts/answers about the chapter.  In one of them, it asked me to read Deuteronomy 11:16 and 30:17, which basically warns me not to let my heart be deceived, and not to turn away and follow any other god(s).  The question related to those verses was: "What gods seek to distract your heart?"  A god in this sense can be anything that you value highly than God Himself.  Anything that takes 1st place or 1st priority.  I put that often the internet and Facebook distract me from spending time with God.  And it's true, whenever I'm away from internet for more than a day, I get grouchy!  I can't imagine not having internet at all.  And Facebook?  Well, I spend WAY too much time on Facebook doing absolutely nothing.  This week, though, I told myself, "This week, I'm not going to worry about having internet or not.  It's a time for visiting both sets of my grandparents that I don't get to see very often, and I'm not going to let the internet ruin that."  Now, those of you who know me know that I write fanfiction, and that was a big reason why I brought my laptop was so I could hopefully get some of those written.  And to write down my blogs, but now I have internet, so I'm able to post them immediately.  But I realized just how much time the internet takes up of my life.  So this week is kind of an internet abstinence week.  In fact, as soon as I finish this blog, I'll be disconnecting from the internet (even though it connects automatically) and enjoying the time with my amazing grandparents. 

So are you a lady or man of devotion?  Are you using your singleness to seek after God with your whole heart, undistracted by Facebook, the internet, or that guy/girl that you like?  Or are you like me, who tends to lose sight of the Person who should be #1?

Lady of Virtue

I totally forgot to update this yesterday. This chapter focused on becoming a lady of Virtue. They used an illustration that I've almost never heard in reference to virtue: the pearl.  "One of life's most costly and beautiful objects is born out of pain and irritation-the pearl....the greater the irritation, the more valuable the pearl!"  I had never really thought of that analogy before. Grains of sand get into the oyster, producing irritation, and then as a result, a pearl. Likewise, being single are grains of sand used not to irritate you, but to help develop what God wants in you. "Don't view the trial of singleness as irritating grains of sand to be discarded as quickly as possible. Realize that God has them there to create something beautiful in you."  Developing better character has been hard for me, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not anywhere near where I want to be.  And I view my time being single, past, present and future, as being the grains of sand that God's using to develop me into a godly woman. 

Another thing discussed was the fact of outward beauty vs. inward beauty (or character).  Which is more important?  To me, it's always been inward beauty.  When I meet somebody new (like a girl), I wonder what their character is like; will they be a good friend to me?  Will they build me up in CHrist, not tear me down?  If they don't encourage my dating committments, it's very hard to remain friends with them, even if they don't say anything about it to me face-to-face.  I love this quote by Jackie Kendall (one of the authors): "if a man chose me for external beauty, his destiny would be hugging a prune. But, if a man chooses me for my internal beauty, his destiny will be unfading beauty even in the twilight years of marriage, because of Jesus."  Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?  You know how us girls always wait for our Prince Charming?  Well, "to marry a prince, you must first become a princess. To marry into royalty you must be appropriately prepared."  So it doens't mean just waiting around for that perfect guy to show up (because he doesn't even exist, to be honest!), it's developing the character of yourself.  As Monica said in Touched by an Angel: "You will never be ready to meet the right man until YOU become the right woman."   So many of us, and I'm included, tend to make a list of the qualities we desire of a boyfriend, but do we ever sit down and take the time to figure out what characteristics we want to develop in ourselves? I know I don't. I never really thought about doing that.  I do want to become like the woman in Proverbs 31.  A woman whose inner beauty overpowers the outer appearance.  But even if I try to do it, it won't be overnight; probably it'll take my entire life to become just like that Proverbs 31 woman. 

I'd like to post more, but I'm pressed for time and this is the best I can do.  An update/catch up will be posted Wednesday!

Lady of Faith

Yes, yes, I'm terrible when it comes to updating!  But at least I'm posting now right? ;)  Okay, so today I read chapter 3: Lady of Faith.  This chapter really stuck with me because I often find myself doubting God's will or His timing.  So this chapter really made an impression on me.

"Faith...
A fruit whose blossoming aroma
Inspires one to victory
and sustains one after loss."   These were the opening words to this chapter. The whole first page of the chapter talked about how women often relocate to other states because their home states don't have enough men!  Then, they went on to talk about this woman who went to a Christian college assuming she would find her future husband.  She came from a very small town (like I'm living in now), and assumed that the only way she'd ever find a boyfriend/husband would be to leave her hometown.  But, she was wrong. When she came back to her hometown, she found a husband.  "Her logic did not find Mr. Right. She returned to a hometown barren of many males, and God, who is not limited by our circumstances, delivered her mate from way out in 'left field.' God did not honor her logic, but He did honor her faith in Him to meet her needs."  Goodness, does that mean I could find a boyfriend in this tiny little town?!  That question is hypothetical, but still, it does apply. 

The authors used the comparison of Ruth and Orpah to demonstrate how there are 2 different types of women: those who have sensual/logical sight (like Orpah) and those who have eyes of faith, like Ruth.  Orpah returned to Moab because she'd be able to find a husband there; Ruth chose to abandon her heritage and the familiar for a life that more than likely did not include a husband or family.  She chose to follow God with faith.  It's really a different way of looking at the story of Ruth and Naomi.  I've always wondered why Orpah chose not to go with Naomi.  Was she just not devoted to Naomi, or was there another reason?  The Bible doesn't actually say why Orpah went back to moab, but it makes one wonder: did she return to her homeland simply because it'd be easier to get a husband?  We don't know.  I've also, through reading this chapter, marveled at how much trust Ruth had in God.  Ruth was raised as a pagan. Her religious system had multiple gods, yet she chose to follow a God she knew almost nothing about.  Even though she was a new Christian, as we would say, she was able to trust God with her uncertain future.  I've been struggling with the issue of trusting God lately.  It comes almost second nature when you're in the ministry.  People might think that preachers and their families always have it together, but we don't.  Often, we doubt God's will in where He's put us.  We wonder why we're here.  We wonder if we're doing any good.  We fear we're failing Him and His church.  "Satan wants you to believe the lie that cripples faith: God cannot be trusted."  Ouch. No wonder I feel like my faith has been in critical condition and on life support for so long.  I read that and thought, "have I really not trusted God?"  Oh, sometimes my human-ness comes out and I selfishly say that God has abandoned me, or is just punishing me.  But I know that it's not true.  Any time we've struggled to pay bills, He's provided some way to pay for them.  I don't always know how He does it, but often, He provides us with extra money to pay for bills or groceries.  It's amazing, honestly, how He uses people to carry out His will.  Like, when my car's windshield was bashed in a year ago, one Sunday school class's members contributed and gave us the money we needed to cover the cost of replacing the glass.  I, and my parents, were absolutely floored by such generosity!  Obviously, God used that SS class for His glory and for His purpose, not ours.  We knew that He must have laid that on those people's hearts and all praise went immediately to Him.  I certainly don't want my faith crippled by the lie that God can't be trusted.  If I just take the time to remember what He's done in the past, I can always trust Him with whatever lies ahead.

Then this chapter discussed how some women try to orchestrate a "chance encounter" with that guy they've had their eye on.  Not something I'm completely innocent of....though I will just leave it to say that in the past, I've tried my best to force God's hand and it hasn't worked.  "If Jesus wants you married, He will orchestrate the encounter" because "Jesus does have your best interest at heart. He desires to bless you by giving you the best."  Another thing I really liked about this chapter is how it stressed that circumstances and location does not limit God's ability to provide a spouse for you, even in a small town like this!

Well, I sort of feel like I'm just cutting this off, but I didn't get to finish filling out the discussions at the back,and I want to read chapter 4, so maybe there will be a 2nd post today! :)

Lady of Diligence

Yesterday my day was pretty crammed, so I didn't get to read chapter 2 of Lady in Waiting, so I'm going to make up for it by reading 2 chapters today. There will be no update until next Wednesday because I won't have access to the internet until then, so all of my thoughts will be kinda old. Anyways, chapter 2 is about becoming a lady of Diligence. When I hear the word "diligent", I often think about school. I've gone through the first year of college, and I had to be quite diligent in order to make A's and B's. But what does diligence mean in regards to becoming a lady of diligence? (and notice this book concentrates on becoming a LADY, not a woman of diligence because a LADY is something every girl should strive to be).

"The perfect time to make the most of every opportunity is while you are single." That's a line I've heard in pretty much every book I've read about waiting to date. Joshua Harris said it in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", a book which I didn't let one page go by without underlining or highlighting something on it. Diligence, in this sense, is serving Christ regardless of whether you're single or involved, but especially if you're single. Think about it: if you had a boyfriend, job, church activities, and school, where is the time to really serve God? You would tend, and I can speak from experience, to push God to the back burner. "I'll get around to Him eventually" you might say. Life is distracting, and it seems like it gets even more chaotic when you're a teenager and having to deal with not only your raging hormones, but the opposite sex's raging hormones. It's scary! But as these authors put it, "the single woman can be involved in the Lord's work on a level that a married woman cannot becuase of the distractions and responsibilities of being a wife and mother." Replace "married", "wife" and "mother" with the words "dating" and "girlfriend" and you have distractions that will steer your focus away from God. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that if you date you lose your desire to serve Christ. I'm saying that when you're worried about pleasing a boyfriend, or having to keep dates, etc..., along with everything else that's going on in your life, it's very easy to put off a devotional or ministry opportunity. I know! I admitted at the very first of this post that I put off reading chapter 2 yesterday when I didn't make time for it. I flat out didn't make time to sit down and read what it had to say.

One thing I love about my committment to not dating is telling people when they ask, "do you have a boyfriend?" that "no, I don't. In fact, I've never had one." Honestly, the look of shock on some people's faces is absolutely hilarious! I know that they're probably thinking, "I wonder what's wrong with you?" but trust me, I'm (almost) perfectly normal! One thing being single has allowed me to do is simply focus on college. I'm in an honor society, and I really don't know why I deserve to be! I constantly feel the pressure to make high grades every time I step into the classroom, sit down to take a test, or crack open a book. How could I work on my education with a guy getting in the way? I'm not saying that dating is detrimental to your life. It's a great addition if that's what you should be doing at that moment in time. I always told the Lord that I wouldn't date in high school. I wanted to wait to date until I was in college or halfway through. Now I'm in college, and nothing has changed yet, but I feel as if He's still preparing me for dating. "Your single state may not be permanent, but it definitely is not to be a comatose state until your Prince Charming arrives and whisks you off to his castle." I don't think I've been comatose, but I do think that maybe I've been using my singleness flippantly. I haven't been making the most of what I could out of it.

I feel like I've been rambling, so I'm stopping. Next post to come either later today or tomorrow. :)

Lady in Waiting

My friend recently introduced me to a book called Lady In Waiting: Developing Your Love Relationships by Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall. It's been out a while, since 1995, but still a good read. I'm to the 2nd chapter and have decided that I'll use this as sort of a devotional to read in the mornings. I re-read the first chapter today, taking the time to really read it through and write down my thoughts at the end of the chapter (at the end, there are discussion questions to think about). Certainly, I've felt like a lady in waiting. I thought at first, "well this book is like ALL those others I've read", but as I started into the first chapter, I realized that this book is just a little bit different. First of all, there are 10 characteristics of a lady in waiting: Lady of Reckless Abandonment, of Diligence, of Faith, of Virtue, of Devotion, of Purity, of Security, of Contentment, of Conviction, of Patience. The authors use Ruth as a woman who had all 10 of these characteristics. Once my friend and her family get back from China, and I've read through the book, we plan to do a devotional/Bible study together using this book, but as I'm reading it now, I'll try to post some thoughts.

The first chapter is Lady of Reckless Abandonment. Most of the focus is talking about how many women seek to find completion in their boyfriend(s) or husbands, or even their careers. "Too many Christian women think that the inner longings of their heart relate only to love, marriage and motherhood. Look a little closer and see if that longing isn't ultimately for Jesus." That struck me, mainly because since I'm still technically a teenager, I face those feelings of never having someone, or not being able to be held by a guy. I'll say this, I've never dated and I'm 18. I don't brag about it because it's not an easy lifestyle! But I am proud of it because I feel as if I've been able to be true to the calling God has set before me, and that is to wait to date until He says it's time. Reading this chapter, I realized how much I depend on other things/people to fill me up. How much time do I waste on Facebook or online doing absolutely nothing? How many mornings do I actually set aside to spend time with God? I never am consistent with my morning devotions. Some mornings, if I'm really with it, I'll sit down and do a quiet time. But I rarely ever take the time to pray or to just sit and listen to His voice. I've decided that with this book, I will strive to start every morning by setting my focus on Him. I've found that, although sometimes my days are bad anyway, they often aren't as rough when I've started it all off with Him. I've always known, deep down in my heart, that completion can never be found in another person but Christ. Sometimes, though, I lose sight of that and I get selfish. I look to my friends or to films or to books to provide fulfillment, and when they don't, I get angry and/or depressed about it. No more! Tonight, when I take my prayers to God, I'm going to committ to Him to strive to look for my fulfillment in Him. It can't happen overnight, of course. Many times, I wish it could! In fact, I think it's why I'm still single: God's not done with my single season. He isn't done with my singleness, and He knows, even if I don't, that He's still got to work on me some more before I'm ready to be involved with a guy. Oh believe me, I get very impatient sometimes, but I know that he, that very special person, IS coming. Could he already be here and I don't know it? Kinda doubtful, but who knows? But I can say that right now, I'm not ready to date. I have to 1. find my completion in Christ, 2. learn how to re-focus on Him daily, and 3. simply draw closer to Him.

Ultimately, I think that's where it all starts. You have to find your completion in CHrist, learn to be content on a dateless Saturday, and just trust Him with your future.

Now, another focus in the chapter was on the sinful woman and her alabaster box in the Bible. She broke a costly perfume over the head of Christ, anointing Him for burial, AND offering Him all she had. She "wisely broke her alabaster box in the presence of the only One who can make a woman's dreams come true." Your alabaster box can be a dream of a white knight in shining armor riding in to sweep you off your feet. "Take your alabaster box to Jesus and break it in His presence...." I thought, well surely I haven't done that yet! But then, I'm content to be single. for now. Oh sure, sometimes I wish Friday night was date night, but in most cases, I'm happy being single. No guy could put up with me long enough, I think! So how do I know that I"ve "broken my alabaster box"? Easy: "When the Lord gives" me "a difficult assignment, such as another dateless month," I "receive His terms without resentment." I'm not ALWAYS happy with being alone, but most of the time, I just remind myself it's for God's best, and then I just set it aside in my mind.

Okay well, this has turned into a very long blog, and so I better stop. More to come tomorrow, hopefully! :)

Summer Goes By Much too Fast

Where does the summer go? It wasn't that long ago that I was looking at the end of May!!! Summer classes have kept me busy; so busy, in fact, that I had to miss out on helping with VBS this year. Disappointing, but sometimes life has to take priority over something fun. But thankfully, finals are only a week away! About a week ago, I found out that I'm going to be an aunt in 2011! It's very exciting, but very unexpected for all of us. But I'm excited that I'll get to have a little niece or nephew.

Next weekend I'm finally going to be able to hang out with some good friends of mine. I haven't been able to spend much time with them in almost 2 years! Their family is homeschooled like we were, and I think that's a reason we have so much in common. The oldest girl and I are both in college, so it's very difficult to find time to get together; and her younger sister will be going to college in the fall. It's very odd to think of how much we've changed in the last 5 years (the amount of time I've known them), and it doesn't seem all that possible. It should be good to get away from the chaos that plagues a preacher's home and church and just relax with good friends.

I'm in the middle of writing a history essay, so this will be it for now. more to come later! :)

A Catchy Title Escapes Me Just Now

I'm starting to feel my creativity creep away, mainly because I feel like anything I blog about is pointless. Oh well. This week I've already been uber busy, as my online college summer classes started Monday. I'm only taking 2, but man, there is a lot of reading! Thankfully, I'm a little bit ahead in reading, but I already have 2 tests pending this week, one Sunday and one Monday. It sort of feels weird to be going to school at home instead of driving to classes, but because of all this heat, I'm glad I'm staying home. This week we also started Vacation Bible School, which I haven't been able to help with at all. I'm supposed to help Friday, but I'm not sure where yet. It's been going slow/fast, slow in the sense that it's only Tuesday, but fast in the sense that we only have 3 days of VBS left. Our theme is a western theme, which really fits with our town. From what I can tell, the kids have been enjoying the theme and are excited about all the songs and lessons.

Sunday was the Pocona race in Pennsylvania. I didn't watch much of it until the last 30 laps or so; I'm very excited for Tony's 3rd place finish! I think it's one of his few top 5's this season, and I'm really disappointed he hasn't done better, but I'm certainly not going to stop supporting him. One thing I can learn from the Earnhardt, Jr. fans: even though he never wins, they don't stop supporting him. Ha. ;) I am also hoping that someone else can take the Cup championship this year and break Johnson's streak. He has hogged the Cup for 4 years and he doesn't deserve a 5th. However, if he does end up winning the Cup for the 5th time, I seriously quit NASCAR. It just isn't fair to other drivers.

Anyway, not much else going on in sleepy little Nocona. Just posted this out of boredom.

Boogity, Boogity, Boogity! In Nocona?!

Hi all,

It's been a long time since I posted a new blog entry. School has been crazy because next week is finals! I cannot believe that I've been out of high school nearly a year, and been in college nearly a year. I've accomplished more during this year than I ever thought I would. Quick side note: I'm taking one class during the summer, online government. I dropped college algebra because I heard horror stories about the teacher and decided it wasn't worth it.

Anyway. Last Wednesday I had but one class, and I turned in my final paper for Composition via e-mail to my teacher. As I was coming into town, I noticed a lot of activity at Fuel World (a gas station on the outskirts of Nocona). I was confused at first, but then I remembered that there was a group of motorcyclists coming through for lunch, and it was rumored that Tony Stewart was with them! I was nervous about going to the station by myself, but once I got out on the road, I realized I wouldn't be alone; most of the town turned out for it! There had to be over 100 motorcycles stopping. I didn't realize that they were traveling for the 16th Annual Kyle Petty Charity Ride Across America for the Victory Junction camp. Guess who was with them? Well sadly, Tony's appearance was just a rumor, but surprisingly, I got to meet two other NASCAR drivers: Kyle Petty himself and Matt Kenseth! At first I was disappointed that Tony wasn't there, but then I thought, "wait a sec, I can meet 2 NASCAR drivers for FREE! I'm taking advantage of this!". I ended up getting sunburned pretty bad on my shoulders, but it was worth it. Kyle Petty is very cool, though I didn't get to really talk to him. The picture of me and him is one I don't have, but hopefully I'll get it soon from the woman who took it. Below is a picture of me and Matt Kenseth.

Then, I got to meet a former Dallas Cowboys player, Herschel Walker. Didn't have a clue who he was; but he helped the Cowboys win their 3 Superbowls.

All in all, Tony or no Tony, it was an awesome hour and I'm very glad I overcame my own shyness to go up to these guys and get their autographs and a picture taken. Did I mention that I love NASCAR and that Victory Junction is a very awesome organization?!

Glamorizing the Cross?

I wasn't going to post until after Easter, but this question has started to bug me: do we glamorize too easily the cross? I'm sure everyone who goes to church regularly has some form of a cross in their home: be it a piece of artwork, jewelry, something. I myself have cross earrings, a cross necklace, and two crosses hanging on my wall that I've been given as gifts.

But I guess I'm asking myself if I really should display those crosses. Should I really display crosses as jewelry? I mean, in Jesus' day the cross was ugly, cruel, and symbolic of a severe punishment. And I've heard preachers and other people say how we've become all too comfortable with glamorizing the cross. I suppose it's a matter of how you personally feel about the matter: for me, I'm not comfortable with showcasing more than a couple, or having jewelry that is so blingy that it's gaudy. Lately, though, I've been wondering if I should display anything at all out of respect. Will it lead to me trashing every cross in my home? No, probably not.

On the same note, I feel as if when I wear my cross jewelry that it's what every other "Christian" does. Think about it: how many "Christians" do you know who wear at least one piece of cross jewelry? I am willing to guess that nearly all of your "Christian" friends own at least one piece of cross jewelry. What about people who are "Christian" but their lives/choices don't match up with their preaching? When I see those people, and if they are wearing a cross, I think, "How hypocritical. Wearing a cross doesn't prove that you are a Christ-follower. Wearing a cross just says that you think it's a good piece of jewelry", but then I remember that I myself am guilty of wearing the same kind of jewelry. I wear my jewelry sporadically. I wear my Christian t-shirts a little more often because most all of them have a great message to them, and I know that I'm trying to live by whatever that message might be.

The preacher who substituted for my dad 2 weeks ago had 2 great sermons that Sunday. One of them centered on how we are too concerned with how people approve of us instead of being concerned about our hearts before the Lord. He said, "I really dislike the term Christian because it is over-used, over-simplified, and applies to nearly everybody. In the Bible, there are maybe 2 or 3 mentions of the actual word, 'Christian', while "disciple" or "Christ-follower" appears many, many, many more times. That's what I label myself as: a Christ-Follower." That really was a great point: you ask people if they're a Christian and they say, "yeah, I grew up going to church, I'm not a bad person, etc...". Christian applies to almost every person who wishes to apply it to themselves. Not to mention, people tend to think of Christians as being hypocritical all the time. So, if anyone ever asks me if I'm a Christian, I'll say, "No, I'm not. I'm a Christ-follower, which are two different things."

Okay, well, I've kinda run out of things to say, so I'll close this by asking you to consider your heart this Easter. Is it in line with God? Is your will submitting to His? Are your choices reflecting the desires of YOUR heart, or God's? If you'll consider these, so will I. I plan on it.

How Your Greatest Disappointment Can be a Great Lesson

Somehow I only seem to get around to blogging every 10 days or so...but I have good excuse for it! Saturday was a big day for me as I was inducted into Phi Theta Kappa International Honor Society. Not bad, eh? Well, I have an added pressure of maintaining my 3.5 GPA for the next year.

Yeah, thought that might be your response.

Anyways, God willing, I will keep working hard and pull my grades through. This semester I have struggled a lot with not only my homework, but also my life in general. I have been so incredibly disappointed with people in my life, namely this one guy that I really liked. Last night it hit me smack in the face: why in the world do I like him anyway? I mean, he really exhibited his immaturity last night, and what I once found humorous, I now find just downright annoying about him. I guess this is my way of saying, "Okay, I'm letting this crush go and getting on with my life", but he also deserves my criticism (he's dating a girl 4 years younger than he is whom his parents don't want him to be involved with, but anywho). God has a strange way of doing things sometimes, doesn't He? I think I've just had to come to realize that no matter how much I fight against something, if it isn't in God's will, it will not make me a happy person. I will not be able to function as a Christian if I continually fight against His leading. And lately, I have been struggling with my future. What will I do? What college will I attend? Will it even matter? I'm standing in-between choosing veterinary medicine and veterinary technology. I pretty much know what college I will eventually transfer to, but it's still confusing to look down the road and not know what's ahead! On that note, last night we had the group Re-Creation at our church. They were amazing; all of them are college-age students who have put their lives on hold for a year at a time to tour. They really support our hospitalized veterans and perform most often for them, and I admire that about them. Anyway, one of the guys in charge came up to me after the show and asked me if I was into computers (he had seen me putting up our computer that we use on Sundays); I told him that I usually run it and program it and everything. He said, "would you be interested in joining the group?" Inwardly I was thinking, "Would I what?" You see, this group is located in Pennsylvania. They stay in PA for about 4 months out of a year and tour the rest of the time. First of all, while I find the offer flattering, I just don't think I could cut it out on the road. I don't travel well! SEcond of all, it would mean moving away from the only state I've ever known as home, and I just don't like that idea whatsoever. Can we say that I'm just a little bit confused right now? Up until now, I had firmly believed God was leading me to be a veterinarian or vet technician. Now, I feel like He could also be calling me to join this group as a technician or computer person and tour the country. It's going to take some very serious prayer about both paths, but right now,I think I'll just wait on His guidance, which in the end I think is the only thing anybody can do.

My God is an Awesome God!

Wow. This past week I've been so floored by God's reminders that it isn't funny. Last week sometime, I was checking on my grades for algebra. Thinking that I had flunked my last test, I scrolled down to the test 2 slot. Instead of finding a 65 or something similar, I found a 100%. A WHAT?! If I hadn't been sitting down when I saw my grade, I would have fainted. This chapter was one that I struggled with and I didn't think I would do very well on the test, but I guess that getting that 100 was not only a confidence booster from God, it was also His way of reminding me that hard work, in any area, will be rewarding in the end. I didn't give up on the chapter, and I think that getting an A on the test just reminded me that I'm capable of more than I think I am.

Today I received a letter from my college informing me that I had been accepted into the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society. Now, I was shocked that I left last semester with a 3.6 GPA, but this takes the cake. Again, I'm glad I was sitting down when I read this letter because otherwise I think I would've fainted dead away. Of course, there was a fee, but my parents wanted me to accept the membership because of how good it will look on my resume (haha). I've never been in any kind of honor society, and not only is this gratifying, it's humbling. The past few weeks I've been in a mood of "I'm worth nothing because I'm stupid. I'm worth nothing because I'm not pretty or thin or anything." These two events just exist to remind me that there is One who values me for who I am. He may not like all that I do or say, but He is going to remind me that I'm valuable to Him.

This past week was also spring Break, but "Break" was kind of an oxymoron. Why? Well, I have a paper due this comin Monday/Wednesday, and I had to take all my books with me to Mississippi. But I ended up not actually "working" a whole lot; I ended up playin the Wii more than I worked on the paper, haha. I think that there are more important things than a paper, and that's spending time with family. It's been a fantastic week and one that I won't forget anytime soon.

When You Reach the End.

I haven't blogged in over a month. It's been pretty busy around my house! School takes up most of my thinking time, and I've been sick over a week, but never fear I think I'm finally getting over it. An update on school: I've been so frustrated with my online courses. I never think I can do enough for my teachers, and it's driving me crazy. But I'm going to keep up with it and not let it get the better of me. Sunday marked not only Valentine's Day, but also the official start to the NASCAR season! I was so excited for NASCAR to start back up, even with all the disappointment of last season, but I think I've realized that no matter how much I dislike some things in the sport, NASCAR is in my blood now. I will always be a fan.

I've reached a point in my life where I've felt at the end of my rope so many times. I've felt so helpless, hopeless, and desperate that I didn't know what to do...there are days when I just sink into depression, Sundays being one of those days. Regardless of what committments I've made in reference to dating, I still find myself becoming impatient. Recently, I found out that a guy I like(d) has a girlfriend. Just randomly, I found out about it. It hurt. The first thing I thought was, "This is what following my convictions has done to you. You missed out on this guy, and now you are paying for it. Some God you follow!" and then I thought, "But I never had a chance with him anyway. Why am I crying about it?" I never had a chance with this guy, and deep down I knew it. I knew we wouldn't go anywhere, but it's still a disappointment. Sometimes I laugh at myself because what I feel like a little girl; I feel so immature sometimes that it embarrasses me. I can't tell you if God has something in store for me because right now, I don't even believe it. To be perfectly honest, I can't trust God right now. I don't trust Him right now. I go through periods where it's hard for me to even believe He's real. I know He's real. I just happen to be going through a period of doubt about it.

My comment about dating is probably one that makes you think, "huh?" so I'll give you a paragraph: I don't think you should date in high school. It's a pointless activity. You're not ready to get married or engaged, so why immerse yourself into a relationship? I don't think you should be dating numerous people either; why give away your heart piece by piece (and girls especially get emotionally involved) to guys who you'll probably never see again? I'd rather date one or two guys instead of ten or twenty and give away pieces of my heart that I won't get back. A silly belief of mine is that you shouldn't kiss while you're dating or engaged. I know that's old fashioned, but I feel like kissing is a piece of your virginity that once you give it away, it's gone. I'd like for my first kiss to be on my wedding day. I'm holding off on dating until God shows me, one way or another, that He's placed somebody in my life that He wants me to be with; and I want the guy to make the first move, I'm not going to be a boy chaser. Ever. I was once asked how I would get the right guy if I didn't date. I replied, "I didn't say I wouldn't date. I said I would WAIT to date UNTIL God showed me He was ready for me to date." I was also asked, "Well what if your husband is a lousy kisser if you don't kiss him until your wedding?" To which I responded, "It won't matter. Not to mention, I won't know he's lousy because he'd be my first" (I mean duh!).

There's probably more to all that, but that's the basics. Those are things that, five years ago, God laid on my heart. I'm a stick-in-the-mud and I know it. Most of the time i don't mind it. Well that's enough for now...my fingers are getting tired of typing, and I doubt people read this anyway. :p haha.

That Time of Year Again.

I can hardly believe that this is 2010. I can hardly believe I'm facing my 2nd semester at NCTC. Gracious. It's been at least 2 weeks since I last blogged, so here are some things that have been going on:

1. The Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo has arrived once again in Texas! My parents and I attended last year, but were only able to afford going to the stock Show, not the Rodeo. I would love to go to the rodeo one year though! We're thinking of going again this year, because the FWSSR always runs about a month. Yesterday, we had to make a trip to Ft. Worth to buy some things for school (clothes mostly), and because my dad wanted to reward me for babysitting last week. So he asked me, "How would you like to see A Christmas Carol in IMAX?"

I was like HECK YES! So that was the main purpose of our driving 2 hours into the metroplex. My dad and I had seen ACC before, and it was amazing. A little bit scary/creepy/freaky, but overall a great film! I also read the book last week, and it stuck very close to the book. Reading ACC will become a Christmas tradition for me. My mom, whom I assumed would hate it, came out of it saying she really, really liked it!? Who knew? The museum in Fort Worth (The Fort Worth Museum of Science and Natural History) is building/remodeling their entire establishment. The thing was huge! we last were at the OMNI last Memorial Day to see Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian., and they didn't have near that much built. I was simply amazed how much they accomplished in a few short months. But anyways. I would really like to go back when they complete it and fill it with all their new exhibits. ACC was even better in IMAX, and I caught little nods to the book that I hadn't seen before (mainly because I hadn't read the book before and wasn't looking for them), and again realized just how brilliant Robert Zemeckis and Alan Silvestri are (Zemeckis directed, Silvestri composed/conducted the score).

2. I found out what my grades were for the fall semester: 3 A's and one B. If I hadn't been sitting down when I saw them, I would've fainted. The B was in biology. The A's were in history, composition and algebra. Yeah, I can't believe I got an A in algebra either.

That's about it. Really, the first few weeks of 2010 has seemed to drag. But I know that once school starts, they will fly by like nobody's business. And that's perfectly OK with me.