Les Miserables (episode 3)

Last night I was able to catch up on Les Miserables' episode 3 and as always, it did not disappoint. I LOVE that we're getting to spend time with subplots that were only hinted at in the musical versions; it's leading to a better and deeper understanding of these characters.  Episode 3 focused on Valjean's promise to Fantine to bring Cosette to her, Fantine's death, and Javert's obsession with finding Valjean and bringing him to justice for his past sin of stealing 40 sous from a young boy (you can find my review on that episode here).  Javert flushes out Valjean by telling him that he has found the "real" Valjean and he is standing trial in Arras for his theft of the 40 sous. Valjean, racked by a guilty conscience ever since the theft, goes to Arras to see for himself.  When the (innocent) man is being condemned for Valjean's crime, Valjean steps up and declares himself as Jean Valjean.  A powerful scene, as Valjean identifies 3 fellow former prisoners and calls out Javert for accusing the wrong man.  Having never really had clarity on this in the musicals, I appreciated the filmmakers for making this scene. I never knew for sure from the musicals whether or not Valjean actually went to Arras to reveal himself, or if he remained hidden to protect himself.  If this was explicitly stated in the musicals, I've missed it numerous times!

Which brings me to an observation: Valjean's acknowledgment of who he was.  He was guilty, taking the place of an innocent man who had nothing to do with his crimes.  A reverse picture, really, of how Jesus took our place. A completely innocent Man Who paid for guilty sinners with His blood.  Even with the risk of (re) imprisonment, Valjean took responsibility for what he had done.  He was clearly at peace with this decision, because he willingly turned himself over to Javert. He only escapes when he realizes that the woman he'd tasked with fetching Cosette refused. He makes a promise to Fantine, albeit after she dies, to find Cosette and take care of her.  He's put back into the Toulon prison hulks, but 2 years later, we see him free; he (presumably) escaped somehow.

This leads to him finding Cosette and forming a father-daughter relationship with her. He sees how harshly she is being treated by the Thenardiers, and because of his promise to Fantine, he buys her from the Thenardiers...at great cost.  This is another picture of redemption-it may be free for US, but it was NOT free for Christ.  The great cost wasn't 1,500 francs; it was His blood. Cosette did nothing to warrant being bought for such a high price; she just existed.  She was the embodiment of a promise, and Valjean goes to great lengths to ensure that promise is kept. We then see the development of a beautiful father-daughter relationship over the course of the last 20 minutes or so of the episode.  Valjean will stop at nothing to keep her safe, healthy and happy. The episode ends with Javert being angry at Valjean escaping yet again from his grip.

Next episode appears to be a jump forward in time with an older Cosette and Marius. If you have not yet gotten into this series, then what are you waiting for?

Avengers: Endgame (SPOILER WARNING!)

Well, I'm sufficiently heartbroken over fictional characters after Thursday's viewing of Endgame.  Marvel is requesting no spoilers, but since you've been warned, and it's your choice to scroll down, it's your own fault if you read them!  So, stop reading now if you haven't seen it yet and want to remain spoiler free.





































SPOILERS START NOW












I don't even know where to start, to be honest.  The movie was a sucker punch in the gut for Marvel devotees, and I'd go from laughing to crying back to laughing and then to sobbing within the span of a couple of minutes.  Infinity War was awful initially, but then you realize that multiple vanished characters had sequel films coming up and you knew that somehow they'd be coming back.  So, similarly to how I started my Infinity War review, I'll make a list of all those superheroes who either died or survived by the time the end credits rolled. Characters marked with an * have an explanation at the end.

SURVIVED/BROUGHT BACK FROM ASH
Captain America (yay!)
Sam/Falcon
Bucky/Winter Soldier
T'Challa/Black Panther
Shuri
Gamora*
Clint/Hawkeye
Scott/Ant Man
Hope/The Wasp
Henry Pym and his wife (I've forgotten her name)
Bruce/The Hulk
Thor
Valkyrie
Groot
Rocket
Quill/StarLord
Drax
Mantis
Nebula
Doctor Strange
Peter/Spider-Man
Wanda/Scarlet Witch
Carol/Captain Marvel (duh)
Wong

(*Gamora "returned" because the Gamora at the end of the movie was from a different time period. Yes, time travel is heavily involved in this film.)

DIED/VANISHED
Tony/Iron Man ( :( )
Thanos (vanished)
Natasha/Black Widow

Did not return:
Loki
Vision
Gamora (from the correct timeline/time period)


Whew.  I fully expected Iron Man and Captain America to be the ones who died, but I did not anticipate Black Widow, AT ALL.  This scene was one of many that was hard to watch, mainly because she's an original Avenger.  Can I just admit, that I completely ugly cried as Tony was dying?!  I started out in the MCU not even really liking Iron Man, but I didn't realize just how much I've grown to love him throughout the last few years.  Ugh.  So. Dang. Awful!  But the character development there is incredible.  The little pushes they've given Iron Man over the years to move him towards where he is in this film is evident. He's not anything like the arrogant, self-absorbed billionaire we met in "Iron Man" (2008), and I think that is saying something not just of the writing/directing, but also Robert Downey Jr.  What a great performance and what a fitting send off for the hero who started off the MCU as we know it.

As for Captain America, there's a *small* part of me that was pleased with how they wrapped up his storyline. I've shipped Captain Carter (my ship name for Cap and Peggy) since the first Captain America film, and I've always thought he got cheated by not getting his happy ending with her.  I'm so glad he was able to get that happy ending, but like a friend mentioned to me, I wish there had been more time spent on their relationship in the past. Who knows? Maybe it'll be done later on.  Captain America has been my favorite from the very first time I saw the first movie of his, and really he's responsible for me even being a Marvel fan-I had discounted the MCU with the Iron Man, Hulk, and Thor films but when I saw Captain America (and that Avengers teaser at the very end of the post-credits), I was sold. How fitting, also, that they brought up Steve giving his shield (i.e. his mantle) to Sam (as from the comics).  and, can we just talk about THAT MOMENT when STEVE WIELDED MJOLNIR?!  So. EPIC!!!

I may have cried some happy tears when all of the Avengers came back together for the massive battle at the end. Seeing them all return one by one was incredible!  But I think my favorite part was when all of the female Avengers (excluding Black Widow, 'cause you know...) assembled and went against Thanos. If we don't get a female Avengers film sometime soon, then I'll have to go assembling some e-mails to Marvel execs!

I feel like this should be a much longer review, considering the film ran for 3 hours and it's spanned 11 years + 22 movies. I think I'd have to see it again to really delve into everything. I'm hoping to see it again soon so I can fully appreciate everything there!

Les Miserables on Masterpiece (episodes 1 and 2 review)

I bet you can't read the title without at least one bar or measure of music from Les Miserables entering your brain.  Literally, every time I even hear the title "Les Miserables", I get "One Day More" stuck in my head for an hour or so. I love the musical (only the 25th anniversary concert from London, though) so I was a little skeptical about the new adaptation on Masterpiece that premiered April 14. I tried and failed in the past to watch the non-musical adaptation with Liam Neeson and Geoffrey Rush, and I couldn't make it past the first ten minutes.  But, the previews looked so enticing that I thought I'd give it a try. I'd even tried to start the book this year, but only got to about page 26 of 908 (or however many pages the novel actually contains). I was pleasantly surprised by not only the quality of the adaptation, but also how its lack of Broadway-style music didn't detract from the overall presentation.

The cast has so far been superb. Dominic West as Valjean, David Oyelowo as Javert, and Lily Collins as Fantine.  Dominic West reminds me a lot of Hugh Jackman...only with a little more depth in his acting.  Episode 1 was a great illustration of how the old man (the convict/criminal Valjean) fights with the new man (the redeemed/converted Valjean, will expound on that in a sec), and how a small act of seemingly foolish kindness and love can turn someone's life upside down.  I guess I'm new to who David Oyelowo is-I saw him in United Kingdom with Rosamund Pike and thought he was a very talented actor, and a shame I haven't seen more of his work lately.  As Javert, he's giving a very subtly crafty performance and it'll be interesting to see how that develops over the next 4 episodes.  Lily Collins' Fantine is a little more complicated-I've never been a fan of the character, maybe because of the way Anne Hathaway portrayed her.  Here, though, we get to meet a young woman who makes some wrong choices and they're costly. Yet, despite her poor choices and the consequences thereof, she does try to do the right thing(s) by Cosette.  I never felt like the musicals portrayed her desperation clearly enough. It might be because the musicals are not able to really delve into each character's backstory the way a miniseries can.

We see though, that Fantine is forced unwillingly into a life of prostitution. This is after she goes to great lengths to make money by other means (by selling her hair and teeth), and only when pressed by the Thenardiers to send an extravagant amount of money to "take care of" Cosette.  Episode 2 left us with Fantine on her death bed, Valjean being cornered by Javert and trying to determine whether or not running is the answer, and Javert playing a cat-and-mouse game with Valjean by telling him that the real Valjean has been captured and is awaiting trial.  Valjean's struggle between his "old" self of a convicted criminal and his "new" self of a criminal trying to make a life for himself outside of his prison, comes to a head at the end of Episode 1.  He steals 40 sous from a young boy who simply drops it on the road.  Valjean cruelly tells the boy to move along and refuses to give back the coin. As the boy disappears down the road, shouting, "You're nothing but a dirty thief!" all the way, Valjean is overcome with remorse.  He calls to the boy, but it's too late.  Presumably, it's this interaction coupled with the kindness of the Bishop that finally helps Valjean to pursue an upright life.  And we learn in Episode 2 that Valjean never actually spent the 40 sous that he stole from the boy, nor did he sell the silver candlesticks gifted to him by the bishop in episode 1.  Valjean's struggle, that continues throughout episode 2 and presumably will continue until episode 6, is a beautiful though messy depiction of how the old man and new man in Christ are constantly at war with one another.  We may be saved by grace when we become believers, but unfortunately it doesn't mean we don't have to struggle with our choices or the consequences those choices may/may not bring.  and, Valjean struggles with the concept of love and kindness, especially that of love and kindness of God in the middle of a dirty, ugly, evil-riddled world.

I had someone tell me on Facebook that they just couldn't imagine the story without the "uplifting" musical numbers.  I agree, the music is phenomenal and I'm not by any means trashing the musical version. However, I think the musicals gloss over and overlook certain important interactions between characters.  The time we spent with Valjean in the Bishop's house is a good example-I've felt like the musicals rush past how revolutionary the Bishop's treatment of Valjean really was.  A revolutionary treatment that Jesus exemplified in His earthly ministry (while not overlooking sin).  If you are a Les Mis fan, I encourage you to watch Masterpiece's adaptation. I think you'll find it worth your time.

Avengers: Infinity War (WARNING: LOTS OF SPOILERS CONTAINED WITHIN!)

"10 years in the making."  Or so Marvel likes to remind us. 10 years of films intertwined that lead up to Infinity War, the first hints of which we received at the end of the very first Avengers (if I'm not mistaken about that-I'm fuzzy on pre-Thor films as far as details!).  As for me, I've only been a fan 3 years fewer, really only getting involved in the MCU in 2011 with Captain America and then Thor. Or maybe Thor and captain America. I don't remember. I only remember seeing the Avengers teaser at the very end of CA and being way too excited for it the next year. I was living in Mississippi at the time, and a friend and I decided to hit the Avengers midnight premiere. Literally. I'd never been to a midnight premiere of any movie, and I was thankful for the pre-order function online! We got to the theater at 11, and the movie was already sold out, and the theater itself was half full by 11:30.  I think one of the reasons I love Avengers so much was because of the atmosphere that night. It was GREAT watching it with people who were obviously bigger fans (I mean, some of them had dressed up!), hearing them cheer and clap at various points throughout the film.  Unfortunately, I haven't been back to one since that movie. Only nothing has really been special enough to me to want to see it at midnight (not to mention working the next day kind of takes the fun out of it!).

But, I really wanted to go to the midnight showing of Infinity War. Anyone who knows me fairly well knows how giddy I kind of get over these movies/characters; what can I say? I embrace my nerd side fully. A friend asked if anyone wanted to go, and of course I said yes. Ok, granted, it was the 9:00 showing and not the 12 a.m., but it still counts, right?  I didn't get home until 12 anyway. Haha. 5 of us went last night, and it. was. awesome. Sad. Bittersweet. Shocking. I'm still reeling from some of the deaths we witnessed in the film. Before I go much further, yes, this will have a ton of spoiler material. If you don't want to know, don't read past this paragraph. You've been warned.























Ok. Can I just start out by listing the death toll?

Confirmed dead (we see bodies and/or blood):
Loki (gah!)
Gamora
Heimdall
Vision

Presumed dead ("erased" per Marvel explanation)
Nick Fury
Maria Hill
Peter Parker (gah!)
Dr. Strange (gah!)
Bucky (GAH!!!)
T'Challa (gah!)
Wanda (gah!)
Thor (at least I think he was 'erased', I don't remember seeing him again after Thanos snapped his fingers, but my eyes were a little blurry by credits' end...)
Drax
Mantis
Groot
Peter Quill

Characters completely missing:
Clint Barton
Scott Lang
*Per Natasha: both took deals (think Civil War) for the sake of their families. However, as far as the film goes, their fate is unknown; though, if Ant-Man and the Wasp follows the events of IW, then we know Scott is still alive.

I was shocked, SHOCKED that Loki was killed within the first 10 minutes of the movie. I had an inkling that he might die, just based on things I'd been reading from different fans, but I at least thought they'd let him live half the movie, you know redeeming himself from previous mischief. Nope. The only consolation is that he died to save Thor. Reason 101 why I love him.  Also not happy AT ALL that they killed off Bucky. We had hardly any time with him in this film, presumably when he was back to normal! What gives?!  I just can't. I was so stunned by Loki's death that I had a hard time even crying. Then when other characters began disappearing after Thanos snapped his fingers, the waterworks started. Especially when Peter Parker grabbed onto Tony and said, "I don't wanna go, Mr. Stark. I'm afraid to go." Cue the hard core crying. I had fully braced myself for CA dying, since we know Chris Evans' contract is up after Avengers 4. I was not, however, prepared for the sheer number of characters who died.

One grumble I have against the film is the absence of Clint Barton (Hawkeye).  I'm not sure why he wasn't in the film, I haven't heard any kind of explanation as to why. Poor Hawkeye-he always seems like an afterthought!  For the negative (aside from all the dying), I didn't necessarily like how they all went separate ways and there were almost separate stories for a while. I guess with so many superheroes in one film, they had to do this for the sake of ease.

For the positive: the banter between Strange and Tony was hilarious (although I was waiting/hoping for a Sherlock reference ;) ). Obviously any scene with Peter Parker in it was funny also, he was such a good choice for Spider-Man. And that entrance by Captain America...multiple people in our theater cheered when he showed up!  I've noticed that even though people know Marvel films, they tend to leave when the credits roll. Most of the theater sat through all of the credits, and didn't get up as usual, which I thought was interesting.  Part of me is trying to stay hopeful-we know that in the Marvel universe, people have a hard time dying.  Maybe those who were "erased" will come back at some point. One of my friends made a good point: "This is what needed to happen", says Dr. Strange before he disappears. We know Strange saw 14+ million possible futures, only one in which the Avengers beat Thanos.

Is Strange's comment a clue?  Will Infinity War Part 2 bring back many of these characters (maybe similar to Coulson)?  Or will more characters bite the dust in that film?

We'll find out next May!

(P.S. Make sure you sit through ALL of the credits.  Captain Marvel is teased, since it's coming out in March 2019.)

2017 Reflections

2017 has been a tumultuous year.  Anyone reading headlines or with any connection to a social media platform can tell you this.  I don't think many of us have been unaffected by the past year in one way or another.  For me, it was chaotic in different ways.  Some were good chaotic moments, like starting a new job.  Others, not as great-like the stress of job searching and dealing with some depression.

I want to start off with the good things though.  The main event this past year that was good was the addition of my new niece, Charlotte Mae.  Anyone who knows me knows I talk about my nieces and nephew all the time; being an Aunt is one of my favorite things!  Most of you probably know that I spent the first two years of her life with my first niece Caitlin, getting to babysit her, hang out with her and my sister, and just in general be around a lot.  It's the one part of my Mississippi journey I look back on with fondness, and is something I would do all over again if given the choice.  Charlie Mae came into the world on August 28th.  She's just the best little baby and I adore her, as I adore Caitlin and Carter.  I must admit they have me wrapped around their finger(s).  I spent a few days with my sister, brother-in-law and the kids about a month after Charlie's birth, and it was time so well spent.

I also started a new job.  This was both good and bad-not really "bad" per se, but the road getting there was pretty difficult.  For months prior to starting this new job, I had had to come to terms with some things about myself as a person and as a veterinary technician.  I suffered from burn out before coming to work in Amarillo in 2016, and for a while the job change (and location change) helped tremendously.  I thought that I could achieve 5+ years with my job at CAH, because their techs are utilized and expected to use the skills they've learned (imagine that!)!  I enjoyed getting to stretch my abilities, learning new ones, and grow myself as an individual/technician.  But after a year, I just started to feel deflated again and I could not put my finger on why.  I don't want this to be a poor reflection on my bosses-I had great bosses and co workers there and there are times I miss how we worked together!  Yet the cold, hard reality of veterinary technicians is this: they are overworked, underpaid, and not compensated for what they do.  When I say "not compensated", I'm talking retirement, benefits, etc. that are just not available via private businesses (usually).  I knew this going into the field.  I knew about compassion fatigue early on-in fact, I'm pretty sure I remember having some lectures on it in my first semester of tech school.  You'd be a fool not to have your eyes wide open going into this type of career!  Many people develop this idea of what they think it'd be like and they're usually far off the mark of reality.  It's not all puppies and kittens-it's often cursing/angry clients, difficult conversations about money, diagnoses, and treatments; it's long hours and the reality that you just can't save every animal that walks through your doors, even if you spend hours, time and effort on them to help!  I will say, not all clients are difficult, but some of them I think unknowingly make our jobs difficult because of their attitudes, comments, etc.  But the majority of our clients were awesome and they would treat us well because we treated their pets and them well.

However, I was tired.  Tired of caring. Tired of having to bite my tongue when a client would denigrate me for sticking to my hospital's or doctors' policies. Tired of always feeling like I was never good enough for a client, or feeling like a failure when a mistake was made, even if it didn't result in any damage to the client or animal.  Probably the most telling moment when I realized I was not where I needed to be came in the form of a conversation with a co-worker. We were in a spot where we weren't working well together-I was primarily to blame for this.  She told me, "Look, I know you're not happy here. I can tell every time you come into work."  Ouch.  For a day or two, I really resented that remark because I was still trying to lie to myself and say, "This is just a phase; I'll get through it."  But after weeks of it NOT getting better, my unhappiness only getting worse, and yes, I fell into depression, I finally had to admit, I no longer love the career I worked so hard for.  This just by itself was a difficult admission just to MYSELF.  I'd wanted to work with/for animals for so long (for me), starting in 2008.  I'd moved to Mississippi for heaven's sake to pursue this dream, and went to the trouble of taking a national and state technician exam, not to mention paying extra to switch my RVT to LVT.  Just thinking of the time, the effort, and the money put into what I'd accomplished made me kick against even the thought of doing something else. Guys, I knew that I wouldn't be rich and famous when I pursued being a vet tech. I didn't care!  It was something I was passionate about, and I could not wait to get into practice.  Most of you, regardless of your field of study, know what I'm talking about.  I was a crusading vet tech (as my family will testify to), and nothing could get in my way of achieving my dream.  So when I looked at having to leave it, because I simply could NOT continue on, I fought.  I felt like I was betraying myself, betraying those who had supported me throughout the years, betraying the people who believed in me and encouraged me to pursue this dream.  That was my key emotion through all of this: BETRAYAL.  How dare I consider doing something else, when all I'd wanted was what I was doing?

I've never admitted this to anybody because I brushed it off at the time.  I was NOT suicidal.  I never once thought how to end my life, or anything like that.  But I DID wonder, "if I didn't wake up in the morning, would people even miss me?  How long would it take for them to realize I'm not there?  Would people even care to attend my funeral?"  That's when I realized: enough is enough. I cannot keep doing this, even if choosing something else feels like betrayal.  My college career had started back (ugh), so I thought I'd be spending the next 2.5 years working to get my medical laboratory technician certificate.  Going back to school wasn't my ideal-I actually resisted this quite a lot because I detested the thought of going back to school. Needless to say, I'm glad my one (and hopefully final one ever!) class is over with.  Back to my emotional state though-this is about the time I decided I needed to tell SOMEBODY how depressed I was.  I reached out to a couple of close friends, one who is studying for Biblical counseling, to have breakfast here in town one Saturday.  Being able to talk about how I was feeling, and sharing some of my personal struggles is not easy for me.  Yet when I felt like I was physicallly suffocating because of my job, I knew I needed to come clean.  They listened, prayed for me, and encouraged me with their own journey(s).  One thing I shared with them was how apathetic I felt about absolutely everything in life.  No matter what I tried, I could not care about anything or anybody around me.  I hated the clients, I hated my job, I hated the animals, I hated my life.  I should also mention that during all of these months, I was not walking with God the way I should have been. I'm not going to sit here and say that my emotional issues were due just to my sinful state-nor am I going to claim that my emotional issues could be resolved WITHOUT the God I serve.  I believe there is a place for medical doctors to step in and help, and I believe that God is the Great Physician over all.  However, I also firmly believe that sin can come between us and God, and it can hurt us tremendously.  Sin wrecking lives is evident in present day and throughout history.

In summary, the things that were dragging me down were: a) state of my finances-when you worry about whether or not you can pay your rent every month because your hours are less than they were last month, this stresses you out incredibly. And when you never know how many hours you'll be scheduled, you never know how much your paychecks are going to be. B) losing my healthcare at the beginning of the year because I was turning 26 and my parents couldn't carry me on theirs after January 1. Yeah.  I could NOT afford any health insurance on my previous salary.  C) my own sinfulness-I had disregarded my line of communication with God through neglecting Bible study and praying; once I realized how far I'd strayed, God has been working to restore me to a faithful state to Him.  This is one reason I pursued getting into a Bible study through my church, I needed some help getting back into studying the Word and searching for the answers in that instead of in myself (which is what I had resorted to, in all honesty). D) A new job.  My classmates in tech school could probably tell you that I was going to be the last person EVER to work in a laboratory setting. I used to think it would be so boring to work in a lab, not getting one-on-one interaction with animals, etc. (my passion was food animal/cattle, and when this was taken away from me at a job I really believe this is when this cycle started).  Now, I work in a [veterinary] diagnostic laboratory and I really like it.  I have a long, long ways to go before I'm even close to being proficient in everything, but I feel like I've come a ways just in the almost two months I've been there.  Did I mention I'm also working full time with benefits, paid holidays/sick/vacation?  Yep. Oh, and retirement because it's a government institution.  It may not be as "exciting" as private practice, but my slight pay increase along with working full time has been a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders.  This job came at the perfect moment, when I was at the point I was ready to quit my previous one and work at Walmart until I could find something better.

I'm incredibly blessed by a church and friends who I feel love me like family.  I love them like family.  I can call on them if/when I need them, and as church settings go, I have never been happier than where I am right now.  I want to brag on my church's staff for a second, they just have hearts for others and serving others that it's something I want to emulate.  I told our worship pastor this, but he has been one of the reasons I've come back again and again to choir.  He always teaches the Word, and inevitably it's always something I'm needing to hear in that moment.  While we were preparing for last Easter's musical, there was one night where he had us break into groups to pray.  One of the sweetest ladies I know prayed, and though she didn't realize it, she was praying for something I was going through and the feelings I was experiencing right then. I am not ashamed to say I completely broke down into tears in front of several other people.  These ladies just loved on me in that moment and I knew they were praying for me.  I've had people that I barely knew before last fall become some of the best people in my life.  God is great, and He knows who to put in our lives so He can work through them.  most of these women probably don't even know how God used them to minister to me when I was hurting.  If you prayed for me, encouraged me, supported me during the last year at TBC, then THANK YOU so, so much!  I love each and every one of you as my church family and as brothers/sisters in Christ.

Let me say this: my apathy and depression have not completely gone away. I struggle with them each and every day, and some days is worse than others.  But I saw the warning signs of compassion fatigue and GOT OUT when I could BEFORE it got any worse.  Fellow technicians, veterinarians: if you're feeling worn out, like you can't do your job any more, or you feel like you will scream if you have to step back into your job on a day to day basis, you are NOT ALONE.  Please do not let pride or stubbornness get in your way of getting help.  Even if you are just turning to friends outside of your work, TELL SOMEONE.  I'm begging you not to be a statistic, because almost every veterinary professional knows that veterinary medicine has one of the highest rates of suicide in the nation.  You are NOT turning your back on what you love or what you've loved just because you are no longer who you were in vet school. It's okay to admit that this is no longer your passion.  You are not a failure, you are not inadequate, you need to make sure YOU are healthy overall, and mental/emotional health is one of the most important things you can take care of.  One of the hardest things to do is to admit there is something wrong, but it's okay.  If you need help, or you're feeling worn down by your job, talk to someone about it. Don't keep it bottled inside.

And most of all, if you are a Christian and you're struggling with depression/suicidal thoughts, talk to your pastor BUT also consider talking to a medical doctor.  There is nothing sinful about pursuing medical help with depression.  Please don't let judgmental people stop you from getting the help you need. Just remember that God is Healer, and He probably won't remove you from your circumstances, but use your circumstances to draw you closer to Him.  He has never really removed me from the circumstances or made my life all roses and rainbows, but has called on me to keep trusting Him through the storms.  One of the sermon series we had at our church last summer was on Psalm 23, and I was able to recently catch up on the sermon about the valley of the shadow of death.  The pastor made a point I'd never considered: that the Shepherd promises to lead us through the valley of the shadow of death.  "He never leads us where He hasn't already gone before."  He's already been there, in that valley, and that's why He's able to lead us through it.  It's also only the shadow of death-shadows can't harm you, right?  It's because as Christians, Christ has already overcome the darkness-Satan still has dominion right now in this world, but ultimately, Satan is the loser in the spiritual battle being waged.  Things may not get better, in fact, things will probably get worse before they get better if you're in a hard part of your life. But the great thing is, we never have to walk those hard parts alone because we're accompanied by a Savior who loved us enough to die on the cross for our sins. 

THAT'S amazing grace, isn't it?!

I hope 2018 is a smoother year, but if not, I can rest in the knowledge that I know a God Who is King of the universe.

"The Man Who Invented Christmas" is Charming! (Review: SPOILERS)

Okay, my title might be a little corny, but if you know me you know I can be a little corny at times.  As the title states, this post will be a brief review of the recently released film, "The Man Who Invented Christmas", starring Dan Stevens and Christopher Plummer.  I'll start off by saying I'm probably a little biased towards this film; ever since I read "A Christmas Carol" in January 2010, I've been in love with the story itself.  The 2009 Jim Carrey version only fueled my newfound love. I grew up watching the George C. Scott version every year (one of my dad's favorites!), and even though it takes some liberties I don't care for, I've come to love it along with the animated version.  I read the book each year on Christmas Eve (yes, it CAN be done!  There's only 5 chapters!), though sometimes I save chapter 5 for Christmas Day.

So you can imagine that I was rather intrigued when I heard about a biopic about its author Charles Dickens.  I didn't hear about it until fairly recently, and while I was home for Thanksgiving this week I showed my parents the trailer. My dad is like me, he enjoys "A Christmas Carol" and was looking forward to seeing the film also.  So we came to the conclusion that after our Black Friday shopping we needed to see this film. I'm so glad we did!  I only know some about Dickens' life and his inspiration for writing the book. Focus on the Family published a great biography in the front of "A Christmas Carol" that I read in 2010-another great part of this version is it includes footnotes which explain and de-Victorianize some phrases/context mentioned in the text, making it more understandable and relatable.  But I digress.  My dad, after seeing the trailer, downloaded the book "The Man Who Invented Christmas" which is what this film is based off of.  I ordered it from Barnes and Noble just today and I'm looking forward to reading the book!

Back to the film itself: I've been skeptical about Dan Stevens ever since he left Downton Abbey.  Okay, I know: he's an actor and felt like he needed to do something else after 3 seasons. I get it.  I've gotten over it...I guess.  Matthew was and is still one of my favorite characters from the show.  I've only seen him in 3 things outside of DA: Night at the Museum 3 (which was awful all around), Beauty and the Beast (um, just no?), and this film.  Out of the 3, this has been his best non DA performance so far for me.  The comedy, depth of emotion, and light heartedness that he approached this role with is, well...charming!  I couldn't help but fall in love with Dickens throughout the film (the fact that Stevens is easy on the eyes probably helped with this).  I just thoroughly enjoyed Dan's portrayal of Dickens, whether it was accurate to him or not.  Christopher Plummer as Scrooge also did not disappoint-am I the only one who wishes we could get A Christmas Carol movie with him as Scrooge? While I'm fairly certain that they took some license with Dickens' life, and possibly even downplayed some of the hardships he faced personally, I think you walk away from this film with the same feeling after watching A Christmas Carol-your spirits are lifted (no pun intended) and you leave feeling hopeful.  The supporting cast for this film were delightful as well.  Whether accurate or not, you could see how these different characters and elements inspired Dickens as he wrote "A Christmas Carol" in 6 weeks.

If you're looking to take your young kids to see it: it's not going to pique their interest.  There's a lot of talking, story formation, etc. that will likely bore them to tears.  This would be great for older kids (12+) who can appreciate the humor and the heart behind the film.  Regardless, it's an enjoyable family friendly film that can be enjoyed by young and old alike.  According to my dad, he would have been lost without having read the source material first; it would be a good idea to read "The Man Who Invented Christmas" in addition to "A Christmas Carol" (they obviously reference dialogue, scenes, and elements!), but certainly go see it even if you haven't read either.

Rating: 4.5/5 stars (MPAA rating is PG)

Falls Creek 2017, "Remnant"

Facebook doesn't allow for great blog posts.  Or if it does, I haven't found that feature yet.  But what do I care? I don't blog enough to notice!  However I do feel like I need to spend just one post on something that happened this past week.

It's a little thing called Falls Creek.

Some of you may be completely unaware, but Falls Creek is nestled in the Arbuckle Mountains in Oklahoma, less than 30 miles from Ardmore and 10 miles from Davis.  If you've heard of Turner Falls, it's in the same general area.  Falls Creek was begun in 1917 by two men who wanted to create a Baptist youth camp for Oklahoma.  There were so many little "falls" in the creeks that they named the camp, "Falls Creek" and thus 100 years of incredible, life-changing summers was begun.  It's a special and unique place, because every church has to bring their own food and supplies and cook their own meals.  Most camps you go to provide your food for you cafeteria style, but not Falls Creek.  No, it's very different.  You feel very isolated, yet you don't have to go far to reach a busy interstate (I-35).  It's THE largest Baptist youth camp in the world and if I'm not mistaken, THE largest Christian youth camp in the world.  THE WORLD. How incredible is that?  For 8 weeks during the summer (this excludes their children's camps, Indian Falls Creek, and any other camps or gatherings they may have), they see upwards of 6,000 people PER WEEK.  It blows my mind every year I go and see how many people flock to the Creek for camp.  And the week we go is only a small part of the entire summer.

But why is it so special?  It's all of the things above: the atmosphere, the people, the legacy, and the history.  But for me, it's special in another couple of ways.  First, I literally grew up going to Falls Creek every year, starting when I was about 5.  My family and I have been part of Falls Creek for a whopping 1/5 of its existence (20 years for all you math majors out there!).  We've been really an insignificant part of its existence if you think about it.  But we've been part of it!  I remember when I was little, or at least a little younger, going to the old tabernacle every day for worship services.  When I say old, I mean: no air conditioning, hard wooden benches, flooding down the aisles any time it rained.  These kids think they're roughing it with it being so hot during the day?  It's nothing compared to sweating it out during the evening services in the Tabernacle, or having to take a pillow to sit on because the benches were so uncomfortable.  I remember the swimming pool that was always ice cold, and not being allowed in the creek(s) because it wasn't safe.  I vaguely remember the old horseshoe pits and the old meeting areas where we'd have Bible studies.  Just in the last 11 years (2006 was the end of Texas Week at Falls Creek, which was made up of exclusively Texas churches for several years), I've seen a lot of changes.  The old tabernacle was torn down to make way for a larger, air-conditioned, modern tabernacle (which by the way, is super nice and I'm not complaining about having AC!), the swimming pool was also removed to make way for the tabernacle's expansion.  The BB McKinney chapel no longer exists, as it was torn down to make way for a new Missions Village and Plaza.  The volleyball courts and softball field were removed so that a new World Missions Center, Event Center, and amphitheater could be built in its place. And now, just this past year, the old concessions stands were taken out to make way for Centennial Plaza, that has new (and in my eyes improved) icee hut as well as a new 1917 Cafe/Gift Shop.  The old gift shop that was one of my favorite places to go in camp has been converted into public restrooms.  Even the ice house, where you would buy bags of ice, is no longer there.  New cabins are even being built, some as large as a hotel (First Ada, I'm looking at you!).  Within the last few years they even built a new lodge for visiting speakers/personnel as well as for any conferences/retreats they may have.

Falls Creek may have changed or be changing, but the purpose has never changed.  The purpose has been and always will be the same: giving glory to Christ.  The whole purpose of the 8 weeks (and beyond) is to point people to the Savior and to win those people to Jesus.  This was never more evident than this past week in our group.  We had the privilege and blessing of taking 15 young students, ranging from 7th grade to 12th grade, 10 girls and 5 guys with 6 sponsors.  Monday night was Monday night, the Mike Romero band had a hard time getting everyone in the mood to worship because it's the first night of camp; it's hard to focus around the excitement.  An invitation is never held on Monday night; I believe Andy Harrison (program director) explained at one time that they feel that an invitation on Monday night has too much emotion attached to it.  They want decisions to be genuine, and they feel that a Monday invitation is too emotional what with all the excitement that comes with Day 1 of camp.  Anyway.  Tuesday-Friday were the invitation nights.  I've had the privilege the last few years to serve as an Adult Encourager on the decision team; basically what they do is after a Decision Team member finishes counseling with a student or adult, they bring that person to me.  As an Encourager I check the information, including the decision they're making, I literally encourage them, pray for them, then dismiss them and their DT member.  Sometimes, in overwhelming response, they call on encouragers to act as those DT members to counsel someone.  That was me on Tuesday night; I counseled two girls making rededication decisions.  I had no idea how God was working in our own group that night.  FOUR of our group made salvation decisions that night; 3 were siblings!  Two brothers and one sister gave their lives over to Jesus that night.  Another girl in our group also rededicated her life to Jesus.  The siblings that followed Jesus, I have to say I don't think I've ever seen teenagers more hungry for the Word of God than they are/were.  Their honesty at saying, "I don't understand this, can you help me understand it?" was so refreshing.  We as adults need to be more open and honest about things in the Bible we don't understand.

The week went well, everyone pretty much got along with everyone else.  We had a lot of first timers going, and they adapted to camp very well.  We had primarily middle school students, but I so enjoyed getting to know all of our kids over the week; I didn't know most of them very well and was afraid I wouldn't be able to develop any kind of relationship with them.

We all thought that God had done something amazing in our cabin that week, something we rarely see with 4 salvations in one night.  But He wasn't done at all!  Friday night, our last night, I went down to the front as usual during the invitation.  And I spotted a young girl from our group come down.  She wasn't even a camper; her mom was one of our sponsors and this girl's sister was one of our campers.  She (the girl making a decision) came with her little brother for the day, and she accepted Jesus as Lord.  Needless to say I could NOT hold back my tears of joy!  And to top it off, I had the privilege of being her encourager!

Falls Creek 2017 was one of the best years at camp.  I can't fully explain why FC is so special to me.  You go excited and come back exhausted.  But it's a good kind of exhausted, especially when you have this kind of week to reflect back on.  When you know that the entire purpose was to bring those 6 people to camp, what else do you need?  God works all things in advance, and He's working even when we don't realize it.  That was very evident this past week.  God put all of us where He wanted us this week.

If you ever have a chance to go to Falls Creek yourself, I highly encourage you to.  It will be a place you will not easily forget.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens Review [WARNING: SPOILERS!]

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a nerd.  I get giddy when I see or hear anything Star Wars/Star Trek/Hunger Games/Marvel related.   When I pass by Star Wars toys in Wal-mart or other stores, I have a hard time just walking by without at least looking.  I own all 6 Star Wars films, all but one season of The Clone Wars, several books and items of clothing, and even some jewelry that reflects my passion for Star Wars.  I've been a fan since at least 2004, though I didn't see any of the films until late 2005/early 2006.  So to say that I was excited when news of a new trilogy hit the internet is a major understatement.  When the first teaser hit YouTube, I watched it 20 times (maybe more).  I was a bit skeptical at the thought of J.J. Abrams tinkering with another of my favorite universes, but hearing that he was an avid fan helped allay my fears a little (he's admitted to not even liking Star Trek!).

My birthday was this past Friday, and two good friends of mine wanted to see the film with me.  It also worked out since I'm leaving for Amarillo to start a new job soon and who knows when we'll get to visit together again!   Anyway, I was VERY excited for Sunday afternoon because it not only marked the first time I ever would see a Star Wars film IN theaters, it was part of a historic film moment (after all, this film shattered records all over the place!).

As the title states, this review will be chock full of spoilers, so if you haven't seen the film yet, stop reading NOW!  I also will start with a disclaimer: these are my opinions ONLY.  I'm very set in my opinions sometimes, and arguing does nothing.  I don't mind differing opinion(s), but arguing doesn't accomplish anything.  That said, here we go:


First, there were several things about this movie that I loved.  I LOVED BB8.  Who wouldn't?  How could you not love a droid that gave almost the same quality performance as its human co-stars?  I confessed to a friend of mine that I think I love him *almost* more than R2D2.  I also have to give kudos to J.J. for being adamant about practical effects (like character suits).   It gave the film a more old-trilogy feel, something I think turned people off about the prequel trilogy (incidentally, the overuse of CGI and digital effects is what tainted the Hobbit trilogy, IMO).  I also loved Han Solo's return.  He's a favorite of mine though, so I could be biased.  The return of some characters, however, was more lackluster.  C-3PO, for instance.  I had hoped (though maybe it'll be explained in Episode 8) that there would be an explanation as to why he has a red arm.  I mean, why?  That is going to bother me until the question is answered!

I liked/loved Poe, but I really thought he'd get a little more screen time than he did.  For the brief time we saw him unmasked, Kylo Ren.  I almost refuse to 'love' a villain, but Adam Driver did such a fantastic job it's hard not to notice it or to like it.  The 'twist' that he's really Han Solo and Leia's son wasn't much of a shocker to me; as the movie started and we met him for the first time, I had an inkling that he was related to either Luke or Leia (especially emphasized by the fact about his confrontation with the old man he killed in the beginning of the film). Maybe it was just me, but he seemed to be a mixture of Anakin Skywalker (pre-Darth Vader/pre-suit) and Darth Maul (post-Naboo duel); not quite fully evil at times, but also not fully grounded in reality.  I liked how the film also touched on the issue of the stormtroopers vs. the clones.  Stormtroopers are NOT the same as clone troopers, which is something I only discovered recently.  It was slipped in in a way that I think the avid fans would have noticed, and the casual fan might have missed.  Kudos to whoever made sure that made it in the film.  And Andy Serkis?  How does he manage to not sound anything like himself or any character he's played?  If I hadn't known he was in the film, I probably would not have pegged him as Supreme Leader Snoke.

As for the other two new characters, Rey and Finn....I liked them. I was surprised that Rey turned out to be Force sensitive.  All of the teasers and promos have pointed to Finn as the Jedi protege, not Rey.  The twist in that was certainly surprising, and it was honestly refreshing to see a woman front and center wielding a lightsaber in a live-action film.  I love Ahsoka Tano, but let's face it: she's a cartoon character and for a lot of fans, she doesn't exist.  She's not canonical (even though it's been declared by Lucasfilm that she is).  We have rarely seen a woman pick up a lightsaber and flat out kick someone's butt in these films.  We've seen Leia and Padme pick up blasters, and in the background we've seen some women wield sabers, but a woman in the limelight?  This was a first!

Also, though I missed a great deal of it, I know that Matt Lanter and James Arnold Taylor voiced characters/creatures in the film.  Matt and James play the Clone Wars versions of Anakin and Obi-Wan, respectively; I think it was a great gesture to include them in this film (in whatever way they were involved).  Also Ewan McGregor was included, but I am sad to say I completely missed hearing his voice, thinking it was Alec Guinness!


And, now....on to the things I disliked/hated (I do realized some of the things I address are now not considered canon by Lucasfilm, but I'll get to that at the end).

Leia is not a Jedi.  Ugh.  I'm not a big fan of the EU, as I haven't delved too deeply into it, but Leia is a Jedi.  It's been an established fact for YEARS.  Especially considering the whole, "there is another Skywalker" thing from ROTJ, she should have been made a Jedi, or at least something about her Jedi training mentioned in the film.  She is NOT just a princess, or a diplomat, or a general.  She. Is. A. Jedi.

Are Leia and Han even married?  They married in the books (and had 3 children, btw), but there is no mention of their marriage in the film.  It's basically implied that they had a fling, through which was produced Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, and then they went their own way.  This lack of mentioning any kind of serious relationship, I think, takes away from what makes Han and Leia special.  Yes, they bicker.  No, they don't agree on much.  But the Han and Leia of ROTJ would have married.  Maybe not stayed married as in the books, but they would have gotten married.

Kylo Ren=Ben Solo.  I had a discussion about this with a friend the day I saw the film.  Ben Solo exists nowhere in the Star Wars universe, EU or otherwise.  Ben SKYWALKER exists, but as the son of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade (who makes no appearance at all in the film).  Jacen and Jaina Solo (twins) and Anakin Solo are the only children Han/Leia ever had.  Jacen became a dark lord of the Sith, killing Mara, and Jaina became a Jedi (I don't remember about Anakin).  Where was Mara?  Are we to believe that Luke re-instituted the old-Jedi code of no attachments?  This goes way against what was established in the books.  Luke abolished that code and the new Jedi order allowed romantic attachments.  Granted, Mara dies, so maybe they did marry and we'll hear mention of her in the next film....or even see her in flashbacks.  But, doubtful, so I'm going to put it here for good measure.

Han Solo died.  Yep.  Han Solo died.  His son killed him.  I fully expected Chewbacca to die, but was not expecting Han until he walked out onto that bridge with Kylo.  I mean seriously, could anyone NOT see that one coming at that point?  Needless to say, I'm miffed over that.  Looks like Harrison finally got his wish of Han getting killed off.

I disliked Jakku.  Tattoine is synonymous with Star Wars.  Why introduce another desert planet that will only confuse newcomers to the universe?  Maybe they were trying to establish that there were multiples of planets with similar environments, but I didn't like the desert aspect.  Too similar to previous films, IMO.

How the heck did Maz get Luke's lightsaber from Empire?  It fell down a shaft last we knew, along with his hand.  I hate ambiguous things like that.

Rey and the lightsaber. *sigh*  I'm all for suspending disbelief, but am I really to believe that this girl, who had never touched a real weapon before in her life, could suddenly pick up a lightsaber and basically defeat Kylo Ren?   I know she's evidently strong in the Force (we're lead to assume anyway), but nobody just knows how to pick a lightsaber up and wield it.  For someone who wasn't even sure that the Force/the Jedi existed, she certainly didn't need much training to learn how to wield it.

And the lens flares.  Not a single one was in sight.  What gives, J.J.?

Oh, wait.  I LIKED that there was not a single lens flare in this film.  See, it *is* possible to make a movie and not blind your audience at every turn!  :)


Rating: 7/10
Bottom line: Worth seeing if you're a Star Wars fan.  If you're new to the universe, I'd pass on this and start with the original trilogy first.

Meet Mr. Bilbo!

Recently The Battle of the Five Armies came out in theaters.  It's the finale to a franchise millions of people love and some love to hate.  The key character in this last trilogy is a Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins.  So as you might guess, Hobbits, Elves, and Dwarves were all kind of on my mind when I was introduced to this stray kitten outside church.  Being the vet tech that I am, I decided to try and give him a home.  So I took him to the clinic since I didn't have anything at home to take care of him with.  I got him fixed, vaccinated, tested, dewormed, all that good stuff.  He checked out and came to live with me right after Christmas.  He's been an absolute sweetheart, with the exceptions of the times he gets a little wild and likes to play attack everything in sight.  He likes to snuggle with me sometimes but only on his terms.

Bilbo was the name suggested by my boss, though I was torn between two names for him: Obi-Wan and Boba (not ashamed of this nerdy fact!).  Bilbo seemed to fit him, though he still doesn't really respond when I call his name.  Here's a photo of him the weekend I brought him home.  He's grown just a little since then. :)

He's also not too fond of his collar, so his nice little blue collar has stayed off.  He somehow keeps figuring out how to remove it. But I love him and he has a good personality, even though he's still learning what's right and what's wrong!  As I type this he's lying in my lap in the middle of it all.

And yes, I liked Battle of the Five Armies.  It may  have lacked some of the character development of Lord of the Rings (an unfortunate characteristic of the entire trilogy), but it was a good film.  Worth seeing if you are familiar with LotR or you have seen all the others.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1 (2014)

Wow.  It's been a little while since I last posted a blog entry, but a lot has been going on. Since January I've been continually working at the job I started in Oct. 2013, and in March of this year I got to add "aunt to a nephew" to my list of titles.  yes, my nephew Carter was born in March and is the sweetest thing ever!  At the end of the summer I moved into my own house and have been faced with the ugly reality of paying more bills than I ever had in Mississippi (apartment living was actually a breeze compared to renting a house!).  :)  Nobody ever told me this was part of being an adult. Haha.  Oh well.

Today I saw The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1 in theaters, and though yes, I did actually wait a week *gasp* to see the film, I think it was actually well worth it; I didn't have to deal with those annoying seat kickers, annoying people that will NOT shut up, or the like.  It was a great theater experience.  I think I'll do that more often.  Be assured, this review will have plenty of spoilers, so if you haven't seen the film and would like to save yourself the trouble, I wouldn't read any further.  Although, I would like to make a teensy comment unrelated to the actual film itself: is the MPAA made up of morons?  Why would you rate a movie PG-13 for 'a suggestive comment'?  For real?  [I think the film in question was the Age of Adaline].  However it was AWESOME seeing The Hobbit trailer on the big screen in huge, beautiful digital HD. But I digress.  On to the review!

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What a film.  My expectations were high considering the quality of an adaptation that Catching Fire proved to be.  Granted that it has been at least a year since I've read the trilogy, so I may be stretching some of my praise of the film.  But first, I felt like the first half of the book was captured in the movie.  Mockingjay is a very dark book, and as such has a lot of depressing moments in it.  I liked that it opened with Katniss playing her 'real' game: "I'll start with what's real: my name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm from District 12. I survived the Games.  Peeta was left behind/is in the Capitol", etc.  This isn't how the book began, but it gave us a pretty good starting point at where Katniss is emotionally and psychologically.  She's a completely shattered heroine, the tolls of being strong for those around her showing through her cracked facade.  And it was a good way film-wise to include a great many pieces of the book in just one 2 minute scene [the book has a lot of little moments where Katniss completely loses her mind and has to be sedated]. So on this note, can we please just discuss Jennifer Lawrence and why she's a several times Oscar winning/nominated actress?!  We've seen a steady progression of Katniss: in movie 1, she was a reluctant hero for her sister.  In movie 2, she's a broken but ready to fight individual who wants to ensure Peeta survives. In Mockingjay, she's a combination of the two, more broken than willing.  her accumulated personal losses have caused her a great deal of emotional damage, as evidenced in the book.  In many ways, she's only a puppet for the rebellion, her strings pulled by various parties in District 13 [a fact emphasized by the numerous 3rd person mentions of Katniss while she's in the room; they talk about her as if she's not there in person].  But she has the mental faculties to make several personal demands to President Coin if she becomes the Mockingjay.  She wants Peeta and the other victors freed (funny how Enobaria wasn't mentioned in that demand; wonder where she ended up), as well as wanting them to let Prim keep her cat.  Jennifer does an excellent job playing this side of Katniss: at times strong, but most of the time completely lost and in pain.

Peeta. Oh Peeta.  you were one reason I was dreading this movie so much!  The progression of Peeta's torture was one of the things I didn't want to see, but see it we did.  he starts out relatively unchanged and by the end of the film, I don't even know the character anymore.  Hutcherson did a terrific job conveying all of Peeta's nuances in this film; I won't even talk about how the hate in Peeta's eyes at the end was completely believable.  It'll be interesting to see how he brings Peeta to life in the next film.

Gale. I still hate the character, even though he's really not all that unlikable in the film(s).  I just don't like Gale, and I still feel like he's a bit of a pansy in this installment; they should have made him tougher or something. I don't know. I didn't like his portrayal all that much.  But President Coin. I know what happens to her at the end of the story but she is the one new person I dislike the most.  Maybe it's BECAUSE I know what happens to her in the end, but she's just...ick.  Like a two-faced snake.  And in passing I'll mention some of the newcomers, Cressida, Boggs. I had my reservations about Boggs at first, but I actually really liked him.  And Cressida.  And the film crew (though we don't see them much at all).  Part 2 will be difficult. Really difficult.

Can we also just talk about The Hanging Tree?  When I first heard it, I thought, "eh".  It wasn't what I pictured.  But as I've listened to it, and after having seen the film, it's grown on me.  It was an important song from the book, and I feel as if the filmmakers captured it in the right way.  Though I would have preferred a little more build up to the song [I think I remember Katniss telling a story about it in the book], but overall it was satisfying.  And while at first I disliked Lorde's "Yellow Flicker Beat", it's grown on me as well.

Music was much the same as previous films, I wasn't overwhelmed by anything.

Okay so if you've gotten this far and you STILL haven't seen the movie, I want to warn you about the ending. It's ridiculously INTENSE.  I knew more or less what it would be from comments I'd read about the movie, but I didn't realize how intense it would turn out.  And for all those crying about how it ended, let me remind you: the book splits pretty evenly at chapters 13 and 14. Chapter 13 ends very similarly, and since there are 27 chapters in the book (minus the epilogue), then this was an adequate place to stop.  Part 2 will be hard enough with the attack on the Capitol (and everything that comes with).

Rating: 4.5/5.  It's the best of the 3 so far.  Go see it!

The Lone Ranger (2013) Review: Not Quite Like The Original...

I finally got around to watching The Lone Ranger (2013) with Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer today.  I didn't see it in theaters, mostly because everyone was saying how much of a flop it was, how bad of a film it was, etc. I had some motivation to see this movie; after all, there aren't a lot of films with Gil Birmingham in them that I can watch without feeling awful after (most of his films tend to have a lot of language in them, I've learned).  I can honestly say I'm glad I didn't waste the money on a theater ticket, and I'm only out $1.30 (Redbox cost).  Let me start this short review by stating several things: first, I am NOT a purist Lone Ranger fan.  While I'm somewhat familiar with the original story, I am not a big fan of the original (though there's no Ranger like Clayton Moore and no Tonto like Jay Silverheels), and so what I say may or may not hold much water for you.  Second, I am also NOT a Native American/Comanche expert, and I don't claim to be; I only know a little about some cultures, so I go off that.

The one thing that has irked me about this movie from the very beginning was the casting of Johnny Depp as Tonto.  I mean really.  The man isn't native (he claims to have some ancestry through his 'grandmother', but hasn't produced any proof of this claim), though he is extremely talented.  Depp is, for lack of a better term, a character actor.  Just look at his career to know that: Jack Sparrow, Willy Wonka, Rango, Edward Scissorhands, etc.  I will be the last person on earth to say that Depp isn't talented.  On the contrary, I think he's incredibly talented and he is able to pull of comedic parts with success.  But this...this just wasn't it for me.  While Depp's Tonto had some comic moments, I felt overall that it was all, I dunno.  Fake?  Forced?  Now I don't know how a Comanche, who had spent his entire life speaking his native language and then learning English later, would really speak.  But a consensus among most, if not all, Natives and native tribes is that Tonto's way of speaking is demeaning.  It fits into the stereotype Hollywood has produced ever since the beginning of film in the 1890s.  Also regarding Tonto, there are so many talented (and available!) Native actors out there now.  Michael Spears, Eddie Spears, Zahn McClarnon, Gil Birmingham, Adam Beach, Chaske Spencer, Wes Studi.  Just to name a handful!  And that's not even the extent of the list, to be quite honest.  Those are the actors whose work I'm most familiar with.  But they are proven actors, who are not only talented and who not only have impressive credits to their names, but they are also the culture (give or take) that Tonto represents.  Granted, the only real native in this list who is actually of Comanche heritage is Birmingham.  But, I digress.  You get my drift anyway.  It's ironic that Birmingham and other Native actors were included IN the film, but not in very main roles!  What is up with this?  Is Hollywood so set in its racial bias towards Natives in film that it can't even fathom the idea of putting a Native actor in a main role that is also iconic?  For however stereotypical Tonto may be, at least Silverheels was a Native actor.  And I personally feel as if Verbinski and Bruckheimer missed a rare opportunity to kind of erase that Indian stereotype by not only casting a true Native in the role, but also making Tonto a more believable, more realistically speaking and acting person.  But, Hollywood is all about money, and films are all about getting the actors who will make your film sell.   Guess that didn't work out so well.  Just look at the box office numbers for it and all the critical reviews!

[Side note for this section: Tonto's entire look was based on a painting of a Crow warrior.  I'm pretty sure that the Crow and Comanche are about as related as a dog and a cat.  No Comanche actually looked like Tonto, and I find his costume design rather insulting and demeaning; they could've jazzed up a traditional Comanche warrior outfit for goodness' sake!]

As for Armie Hammer as the Lone Ranger/John Reid.  Ouch.  What a hapless nit-wit!  Watching the Lone Ranger series, I never get the feeling that Reid is stupid.  Or that he's hapless.  Or that he's essentially so helpless that it's luck which gets him through situations.  Clayton Moore's Lone Ranger, while it may be cheesy (it was the 1950s after all), is a guy who understands the value of life and of justice.  The right kind of justice.  That's kind of thrown in there in this film, but I honestly feel as if Hammer's Lone Ranger's sense of morality and soul is undermined by his pure lack of competence as a crime fighter.  This is not Clayton Moore.  This is not the Lone Ranger you're probably familiar with.

The gratuitous violence by the film's villains is unnecessary.  The constant weirdness perpetrated by Tonto is tiresome and laughable [maybe on purpose].  Overall?  This movie is NOT worth your time or money.  Sure, you'll have some laughs along the way.  And if you like Johnny Depp, then you'll probably like his Tonto (to me a mix of Jack Sparrow and something original).  However if you are looking for a fun modern return to The Lone Ranger of Clayton Moore's and Jay Silverheels' era, then you are looking in the wrong place.

Rating: 1.5/5.  Though the movie did have decent music to it.  It should; the score was composed by Hans Zimmer, and pieces of the score were composed/arranged by Geoff Zanelli (responsible for the beautiful scores of Into the West (2005); at least that's what I know him from).  But that's about the only good thing in this film.

The Desolation of Smaug-Are the Critics Right? (Review: Warning, spoilers ahead!)

As many of you are I'm sure aware, last night was opening night for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug in the U.S.  I have to confess, because of the year long wait, I had kind of lost my excitement over the film, especially in light of Catching Fire coming out a mere three weeks before DoS.  But, I was determined to see it in theaters anyway, especially since I didn't get the chance to see LotR in theaters.  And since it's a love of the films my dad and I share, it made seeing the film in theaters worth it.  So, what follows is my review.  Take it with a grain of salt, as I am NOT a Tolkien purist (though I did think the book was rather good as it is written).  And, there are lots of spoilers ahead, so if you haven't seen it yet and you want to go into it cold, better click on something else to read. :)

Here goes.

Let me just begin this by saying that the last hour of the film was so far off of the book, it surprises me that more people aren't upset by it.  However, before I go into the negative aspects of the movie, I'll talk about the things I really liked in it (in no particular order, just as it comes to mind).  I might be a little biased, but I LOVED the appearance of Legolas in this movie.  It was the same character, but also so different.  His introduction in the film was genius and so well done. Who didn't love that little nod to Gimli when Legolas saw the picture of a young Gimli and his mother?  I giggled over that scene if only because of its irony!  I also couldn't help but like how very agile Legolas was in the movie.  The sequence of Legolas literally tiptoeing on the dwarves' heads as he shot orcs was nothing short of hysterical.  No wonder Leggy was a little snobby in Fellowship; he could do that and not lose his balance OR his aim!   Lee Pace was phenomenal as Thranduil.  I always disliked Thranduil in the book, if only because he came across as very arrogant and self righteous; Pace delivered on that very well.  And while we're discussing Elves, what about Tauriel?  I was kind of expecting to hate her, but I really liked her.  I know she wasn't in the books, and like Evangeline Lilly, I agree that there should not have been any sort of romantic angle in the film.  It's sad that the studio was pushing for that, even after Lilly signed the contract on the condition that she NOT get into a love triangle!  She did a great job of delivering her Elvish lines, as did Orlando.  I might even go so far as to say that Orlando's Elvish was better in this film than in LotR; maybe he was studying in the 10 years since?

And Smaug.  Holy dragons.  He was everything I imagined and more.  I really did like Benedict Cumberbatch's performance as both the Necromancer and as Smaug.  Smaug's design was terrifying, if only because he seemed to me to resemble a snake at times more than a dragon.  I can't believe the scale on him either; I thought he was massive when the camera first hinted at his size, but I was way off base!  Oh, and by mention of baddies, I would just like to say it was nice to see Lawrence Makoare's name in the credits this time around.  He played the Witch King in Return of the King, so it was just really neat to see his name in the credits again!  Bard.  Oh Bard.  I have mixed feelings about you!  I liked Bard; he was a likable character, even for his flaws.  But, could the filmmakers have made him look anything MORE like Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) from Pirates of the Caribbean?   If you don't believe me, look here:

See?  What'd I tell you?  When I first saw the first trailer, I had to do a double take to be sure that it WASN'T Bloom who was playing Bard.  But aside from me having to remind myself it wasn't Will Turner, Bard was a cool character.  Can't wait to see him in the next film!  I also really liked all the backstory bits.  I know some people criticize that, however, as someone who is not into all of the canon of Tolkien's works, I'd rather just see it on screen.  Peter Jackson has the opportunity to explore that backstory; he needs to take full advantage of it.  I don't berate him for that because I'm sure other fans are curious about some of these things as well (just where did the Ringwraiths come from exactly? is one question I can think of off the top of my head that has always puzzled me).
I might be leaving something out of this section, but I'm writing this review in parts so I can't remember where I wanted to go next. Haha.  Moving on.


What I didn't like:
Beorn.  Ugh.  Just ugh.  So underwhelmed by this character.  I thought he was kinda cool in the books; and he had a terrible look in the movie.  He looked like a cheesy costumed character from the 70s or something.  Or, like I originally thought when I saw the first image of him, he looks like a version of the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Was that the best they could do at Beorn?  I mean really?  Sad, sad makeup there.  And I'm kind of like some others; I wish he'd had more screen time.

The Tauriel/Legolas/Kili triangle was completely unnecessary, and at times, incredibly awkward.  I'm mainly talking about that whole hinting-back-at-the-FotR-scene-where-Arwen-appeared-to-Frodo sequence.  Seriously.  They made a very bad move by making that scene resemble Arwen's first scene from Fellowship of the Ring.  I know Elves are ethereal, and they're other-worldly, but seeing as how Tauriel is a tough chick, that didn't match her character.  Although I did like the inclusion of athelas.  And the fact that Bard referenced it as a weed.  Okay, Samwise. ;)  I could maybe see Legolas and Tauriel, but the triangle?  Not a fan of it, and neither was Lilly, especially when she signed her contract on the condition there wouldn't be a triangle!  Which I said before.  In which case, I'll move on.  I didn't like Smaug getting covered in molten gold.  That part of the film was WAY too long, and WAY out of step with the book.  Jackson could literally have trimmed off about 20 minutes of footage, and ended it with Bilbo asking, "what have we done?" as Smaug flew towards Laketown...and it would've been perfectly suitable for an ending.  Instead, we get an overextended action sequence with Smaug hunting Bilbo and the Dwarves through Erebor.  I'd like to know what made Jackson extend that entire sequence with Smaug, because I felt like it was very unnecessary and superfluous.

Overall: this movie was a vast improvement over An Unexpected Journey, if only because it was more interesting.  It plodded on, yes, but everything was pretty fast paced and it was nice to the Mirkwood elves kind of fleshed out.  I will applaud Jackson yet again for the rendering of Smaug.  It was well done and I think Tolkien would have been pleased with how they brought his dragon to life.

My rating: 8.5/10.  Now we just have to wait a  year to see the conclusion!

The World is Catching Fire. And It's Easy to See Why

I was pretty bummed that we had a severe winter storm blow in yesterday, which meant that my sister and I had to cancel our movie night to see The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.  Honestly, seeing it all over Twitter, Facebook, etc. made the whole thing even worse, so when a break came today from the weather, I took the chance and headed out over an hour to see the movie that's already set a domestic opening record.  After sitting through about 20 minutes of pre-show commercials, then at least 6 previews, the movie FINALLY started.  And warning, this review comes with spoilers for those of you who haven't yet seen the film.  I'll spare no details.

The movie opens with Katniss silently sitting on the bank of a lake her father used to take her to.  There is no music, no sound, nothing.  It's completely silent for the first minute of the film.  Gale soon joins her, and we quickly realize just how much the Games have affected Katniss.  Not only has it affected her relationship with Gale (more on that in a second), it has changed how she regards things around her.  When she shoots at a turkey, she thinks she's shooting Marvel again.  Katniss completely loses it, ever remaining on a delicate mental balance for pretty much the remainder of the film (probably pretty true to the book).  When I say it's affected her relationship with Gale, it's because it seems as if a lot of the scenes between the two of them are incredibly strained and awkward.  Maybe this is the result of some choppily written dialogue (even more on that later), but regardless, their scenes seem to be strained.

I digress.  THG is the only film I've seen Jennifer Lawrence in, but there is a reason Lawrence is an Academy Award nominated and winning actress.  As one of the reviews on mockingjay.net said, Catching Fire showcases her incredibly diverse talent.  Katniss is broken, vulnerable, strong, brave, etc.  I think perhaps the best moment for Jennifer in the film, for me personally, was her District 11 speech.  This was the first (but not the last time) in the film where I just couldn't keep from crying.  The acting was superb in that scene, not just from Jennifer but from Josh Hutcherson.  The dialogue was so well written, and the entire scene captured the heart of the books.  It's so rare to watch a movie but be able to feel the emotional intensity on screen as if it were your own.  The buildup to the execution of the man in District 11: excruciating.  You know it's coming (if you've read the book), but it's the trigger that I think makes Katniss choose what she'll do from there on out.  Lawrence delivers another exceptional performance throughout the movie.  I think she even more perfectly captures Katniss in this film than in the previous one.  Not that she didn't, but she proves why she was the perfect choice for the character.

Elizabeth Banks.  In the first film, it appears as if Effie has no soul.  Effie is just a shallow, vain person who cares about nothing but the latest trends and fashions.  Not so in this film.  I LOVE Effie in this movie.  She is everything from the book and more.  My heart just broke when Effie said goodbye to Katniss and Peeta, and I nearly cried when she pulled Katniss' name out of the bowl.  The entire reaping scene, I was just thinking how much more I loved Effie in this movie than in the first one.  Banks did an incredible job portraying those different facets of Effie, and I think that overall, it made Effie a more likable character.

Josh Hutcherson.  I didn't think I could really like the film version of Peeta...but I did in CF.  We get to see the many layers of Peeta, the one Collins wrote.   I LOVE that we get to see that Peeta in more detail this time!  I actually came away being more on Team Peeta than I was before.  In the book I'm always sorry for him because he seems to get the short end of the stick when it comes to Katniss, and that was carried over into the film.

Woody Harrelson.  Can the  man get any more perfect at playing Haymitch?  My goodness.  Haymitch was even more snarky in this film than previously, but that's completely fitting within his character.  And Lenny Kravitz?  Well...he did a good job for the minimal amount of time Cinna appeared.  I felt slighted that we didn't get to see much of Cinna in this movie, a shame since he dies before Mockingjay (at least, in the books).  That was one scene I was dreading the most, but also looking forward to.  It's so critical to Katniss' character that it had to happen.  I'm glad the filmmakers kept it in.

Now, onto the newest characters to join the club.  I'm still kind of out on Sam Claflin as Finnick; I can't decide if he is suitable or not.  I'd probably have to see the movie again to really decide if I like him.  However, Jena Malone?  Her Johanna was SO true to the book!  I didn't like that they had her yelling bleeped F words (I feel like the cussing in this film is/was very unnecessary as there's none in the book(s)), but I loved that they showed how much she hated the Capitol too.  And the elevator scene?  That was probably the best moment for Johanna, not to mention, I died laughing at Katniss' reaction(s).  It was priceless, and I'm glad they made that scene better.  Oh yeah, and I'm glad they kept in that brief scene of Chaff kissing Katniss; that was a laugh out loud moment, and it was funny to see Katniss caught off guard.  And Mags?  Who doesn't just fall in love with Mags the second you see her on screen?  Even though she didn't say a word, she was Mags.  She (Lynn Cohen) was the perfect choice for the character.  Sad that she died!  As for the others, they were all kinda 'eh' for me.  Wasn't really blown away by any of them or underwhelmed.  They were just there.  I expected to feel some sort of emotion over Wiress' death, but I didn't.  I felt like that may have been a miss on the part of Francis Lawrence, but it really wasn't a big deal in the scope of things.  And just as a random note: what about the guy playing Thread?  Perfectly cast for just about 5 minutes of screen time!

now, some things I didn't really like that much.  I didn't care for the way Katniss/Gale scenes were redone.  I felt like they lost their impact, and maybe it's the book purist in me, but I just wasn't happy with the Katniss/Gale scenes in general.  There were also some things done that were taken out of their context from the book (ex. Ripper; she's mentioned and seen, but there's no explanation of who she is to Katniss), but I guess overall, there's more context to this film than its predecessor.

In short, Catching Fire outshines The Hunger Games just by one thing: better scripts.  The dialogue, while awkwardly executed in several areas, is spot on.  Instead of being Francis Lawrence's story, it's Suzanne Collins' story that is seen on the big screen.  This is something lacking from the first film, as I have always felt that it was more of Ross' story than what was written.  It's refreshing to have a director who clearly cares about the material as much as the fans do, and it assures me that he can do an equally good job on Mockingjay 1 and 2.   Unlike some directors who clearly have no understanding, respect, or appreciation for the material they're adapting (like, ahem, a certain Michael Apted), Lawrence demonstrates that he respects the material/fans.  Many of the scenes adapted could have been deemed unnecessary, but they remain.  What few changes have been made were made probably because of time and streamlining.  Truthfully, if they didn't make any changes at all, this film would have taken much longer than 2 1/2 hours.  The last few minutes of this movie, before Katniss discovers the truth about D12, contains some of the most beautiful cinematography found in this franchise so far.  The montage of Katniss being lifted into the hovercraft: exactly like the book and just as satisfying.  The film ends with Katniss learning of the destruction of District 12; she turns to the camera, tears streaming out of her eyes.  Then, the final shot: Katniss takes a breath, grits her teeth, and you can see truly she has now decided the Capitol must go.  All of the anger, bitterness, hurt, frustration, and emotion Katniss feels toward the Capitol is all summed up in about 10 seconds of her looking solidly at us, the audience.  As the credits fade to black, we see the Hunger Games logo of the Mockingjay, which catches fire and becomes the Catching Fire Mockingjay, which then turns into something else entirely (I haven't decided if this is their interpretation of Mockingjay's mockingjay, but someone else is free to give their opinion on that), at the last second or two of the Catching Fire logo transformation, we hear the infamous mockingjay 4 note call, giving the audience a spine chilling feeling of what's to come in films 3 and 4.  I had goosebumps as the credits began to roll, knowing it's going to be a full year before we see the start of the war between the rebels and the Capitol.

If Francis Lawrence can repeat Catching Fire's heart and soul with both Mockingjay films, I have no doubt that fans of the books will be satisfied that Collins' work is finally being given the film treatment it deserves.  Catching Fire *almost* makes up for the first film's shortfalls.  On another note: I'm still not really happy with the music, soundtrack or inspirational soundtrack.  It's not what I'd like to hear for the franchise, but I guess we're stuck with it.

My rating: 4.5/5 stars.

P.S. I feel like I'm not doing the movie justice, but I'm starting to forget everything I wanted to talk about, so maybe when I see it again, I'll write a better review.

National American Indian Heritage Month-Days 6 and 7

I usually post these on Facebook, but I missed a day, so I have to combine them.  Plus, this may help quit flooding people's feeds with my statuses several times a day.  So, here are days 6 and 7 of NAIHM!

November 6th: I've been talking about several of my favorite actors, so now I'm going to switch gears and talk about an actress I love.  Her name's Tonantzin Carmelo, and she is most known for her role as the younger (not teenage) Thunder Heart Woman in Into the West (2005) and as Shayla Stonefeather in Imprint (2007).  I haven't seen as much of her stuff as some of the other actors I like, but she's still very talented and I enjoy watching her films.  I think my favorite role of hers so far is as Thunder Heart Woman.  Just watch the first 3 episodes of the series and you'll totally get WHY I like her so much in the series!  More recent roles include Shouting Secrets and The Activist, though I have yet to see Shouting Secrets (and I'm DYING to see it!).  I also really liked her in Imprint, as she was able to realistically portray someone who is caught between two worlds, and someone who really is unsure of where she stands in each.  I love the movie in general, and the wonderful cast/writing just helps make it better!  She is an underrated actress in today's Hollywood, Native or otherwise.  http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0138371/?ref_=nv_sr_1

November 7th: Another actress I love is Irene Bedard.  You probably would recognize her voice from Disney's Pocahontas (1995), but she has been in a ton of other things, like, oh, Smoke Signals (1998), Lakota Woman (1994), Squanto: A Warrior's Tale (1994), Love's Long Journey (2005), and...oh yeah!  Of course Into the West as the older Margaret Light Shines.  Of all her roles, Margaret is my absolute favorite.  There is a depth to the way Irene plays the character that is simply captivating.  Margaret experiences so much of the injustices done to various tribes by the US Army, and Irene conveys that incredibly well.  Of all the scenes that speak for her the best, it would probably be found in episode 4, near the end.  Margaret has just gone through the pain of the Washita massacre, and is found by her younger brother (who is an Army scout), who later tries to free her from the makeshift prison of Custer's.  I just dare you to watch that scene and NOT feel emotional over it.  Margaret staunchly refuses to abandon the Cheyenne women and children, who she now feels responsible for.  Another enjoyable actress that is worth watching! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0065942/?ref_=tt_cl_t2

Dances with Wolves-Yes, I've finally seen it!

So far, my summer has been fairly busy: graduation in May, Vacation Bible School at the beginning of June, then youth camp a couple of weeks later.  In the middle of all that, I was busy studying for the Veterinary Technician National Examination (VTNE) that I took this past week (and PASSED!), and helping my sister, brother-in-law, and niece move back to Texas!  In just a couple of days, I'll officially move out of Mississippi and back home where I'll soon start a new job...more details on that to come. :)

But somehow in all that, I managed to have time to sit down and finally see Dances with Wolves all the way through, with a few stops.  I mean after all, Netflix's version is 3 hours long (the extended cut), and be honest: this film is boring at times.  Now, I will say that I can tolerate violence.  "Yellow Rock" and "Into the West" have their share of Western violence, which is pretty descriptive of the era.  And yeah, some of the violence was pretty graphic.  The Old West was a dangerous place to live since you had enemies of all kinds.  But, I suppose my main issues with the film was that of language and nudity.  Was it really necessary to see Costner's backside several times?  Is it necessary to have a somewhat graphic sex scene between two [unmarried] people?   Is it necessary to include crude and vulgar language?

I'm not sure how this film earned all its awards in 1990.  Much of it was overacted, and I can't say I'm a fan of Costner after this movie.  I admire him for wanting to bring the story to the screen, and for funding the majority of the film in order to get it made...but all the crap marred what could have been a very beautiful story of the West.  It is one of the few films in mainstream Hollywood which does NOT portray the stereotypical Indian (as a savage, though the Pawnees were pretty fierce and they are showed as such).  The woman playing Stands with a Fist was surprisingly good at speaking the Lakota language; it sounded very natural and easy for her.  However, the kissing scenes between her and Costner were just downright comical (just watch those parts and you'll see what I mean).

So my rating is about a 2 out of 5 stars.  This film deserved an R rating, but is only rated PG-13.  Use a lot of caution when watching this movie.  It's really not worth the time.

Graduation!

(This entry will be posted on May 11, 2013.  Because I can't ever remember from week to week what I'd like to say, I'm writing this entry as the days come.)

4/25/13: Last Day!

As I type this, I'm waiting to finish my last day of college: forever! Well, at least I hope forever.  People keep asking me if I plan on going to vet school, and my answer is always a quick "NO!".  It would require at least 5 more years of school, the extra year just for pre-requisites.  Then it requires an interview and programs are competitive.  And I would have to declare residency because frankly, out of state tuition is ridiculously high.  Did I mention the school loans that would have to go along with all this?  I mean, I'm not silly enough to think that, if it were really God's plan for me to move on to vet school, He would not provide what I need to get there.  But I definitely don't feel my heart leading me in that direction, at least not in the near future.  Plus, I'm just not sure I have what it takes physically and mentally to make it through vet school; it's extremely taxing on your body and mind, having to keep up with the case work/load as well as the stress of how expensive it is and not wanting to fail anything because if you fail you are done.  While I don't wish anything bad of a vet student, I will say that there is a surplus of new veterinarians and graduating veterinary students, and the economy is just not there to support the many graduates that will permeate the job market.  Some of my classmates are going on to vet school, and I hope they do well and enjoy their time in school.  It's just not for me!

5/10/2013: Pinning Ceremony and Graduation

Well, I can FINALLY say I'm officially done forever with school/college.  Today was an extremely full day and started out early after a night of not actually sleeping very well or at all.  Honestly, the last few weeks have felt very surreal for whatever reason, and I'm not even really sure if the reality of being forever done with the program has fully sunk in yet.  Today was difficult in some ways because I had to say goodbye to some awesome instructors/mentors within the program AND in the CVM health center.  It was also difficult because I think I realized just how comfortable I had become with the school and most of the people there;  I had some great mentors and teachers downstairs (Jamie, Maggie, and Tonya: you guys ROCK!) who taught me ways to not only improve the skills I already knew, but also how to improvise new ways of doing things or looking at things.  Now, knowing I probably won't see them or most of my classmates again/for a long time is hard because graduation means having to kind of start over from scratch.

But starting over from scratch has given me the chance to think back over the last two years.  I was looking through some of my older blog posts and I thought: "Gee.  I was definitely stressed out when I wrote THAT entry."  Indeed, there were a lot of times I let my stress get the better of me and I broke down into tears certain that I would fail, had failed, or wanted to leave the program.  There was one time over a year ago where I literally had to ask myself if I wanted to stay in the program or not.  I'm so glad I had people talking me out of it because I would have been giving up something good if I had left.  I remember vividly my first night in my dorm and the emotional meltdown that followed with it.  I ended up getting so upset that my sister had to come get me and drive me around campus (after getting a drink from Sonic) to reassure me that what I was going through was normal.  Okay, maybe I should have tried to control my emotions a little better and not gotten quite so worked up about being in the dorm, and I had a major tendency to let my emotions get the best of me.  I still do unfortunately (trying to work on that).  Anyway, the first week in the dorm was difficult especially when I had a difficult roommate, had never lived in a dorm, had never lived away from home until then, and had to learn to make it on my own.  I can't even imagine what those 10 weeks would have been like if my sister and brother-in-law had not been in the same town/state.  I don't think it would have been very pretty!!! I also remember my first night in my apartment: it was scary! I kinda remember the first week of the program.  It was hectic and orientation left my head absolutely spinning, but I was excited to start studying the things that I WANTED to study instead of NEEDED to study.  There were hard classes in each block, and each block left me feeling like I would fail at least one class if not more.  Even if I just scraped by, I still made it.  I tried not to focus on what was ahead, but on what was now: the first half of the spring semester, I had to force myself to keep focused on that block (even though I was taking 3 classes that extended the entire semester, adding up to a total of 22 hours for the spring semester).  Summer kind of left me unable to really worry about the coming fall: I was too busy with anesthesia in May and surgery in June to really care what was ahead of me.

Senior year beginning in August is really what has reaffirmed in me what I believe to be true: this is the job I was made for.  I honestly think that any person who loves animals and can work with them on a daily basis for years and years is a special person.  Like human medicine, there is ALWAYS potential for emotional burnout and compassion fatigue.  If anything, it may be more pronounced in veterinary medicine because of humane euthanasia and the technician's active role in that procedure.  Whether it is comforting someone who has lost a beloved pet who was 15 years old, or preparing someone for accepting their animal's condition and helping them decide what is best in the long run for the animal, or just being there for someone to grieve with, it isn't easy.  Having been on both sides of the glass (i.e. having participated in humane euthanasias for very sick animals and having a pet euthanized because of advanced heartworm disease) I understand both viewpoints.  I'm not exclusive in that understanding for sure; I think most of my classmates have also experienced a euthanasia at one time or another.  It's when you can pull yourself out of your technician uniform and into that of an owner that your clients really trust you to do what's best for their pet.  It's what causes them to trust YOU because you know what they're going through: you've been there.  It never gets easier, but you have to learn to cope.  There was one week during the fall where it was bookended by life and death: Monday an animal died suddenly, and that same Friday, I helped deliver 7 adorable piglets through c-section.  It was a terrible start to the week, but a wonderful ending.  Participating in my first ever c-section/birth made me realize how important my job is.  It isn't just keeping pets healthy: it's helping an animal to start life off on the right paw/hoof.

I had only a few bad experiences within my rotations, but overall, I had some of the best learning experiences during the past year.  It's amazing to think how much I know now compared to the start of the program or even to what I knew last year.  This journey has been difficult.  It's had ups and downs.  I couldn't have made it to this point without my family who supported me every step of the way.  It was so nice to have my sister and niece nearby who I could hang out with when I needed a break or just needed to take a step away from the school (not to mention getting to watch my niece grow up AND getting some good home cooked meals. haha).  I'm also thankful to my friends who supported me and who I could talk to when I needed to vent (Callie, you know what I'm talking 'bout!).   I'm thankful for the things I've learned, but am ready to get out on my own and apply those in a real world job.  I don't know where or when that will be, but I'm trusting that God has the job HE wants for me.  One chapter has just closed, but another is about to start.  And in the meantime, I'll always and forever be a Mississippi State Bulldog! :)

Hail State, and Forever Maroon and White!