In Memory of W.M. Brame

*This post was created on December 6th since I had no time on the 7th to create an update; it was in reality posted on the 7th, not the 6th*.  It's so hard to believe that one year ago I lost my Papaw Brame.  Around Thanksgiving, I was kind of glum because I remembered last Thanksgiving, and how most of my close family was all together for the holiday.  It was our last Thanksgiving with him.  We crowded around Memaw's table, which was kind of new for me because since I'm older, I can now sit at the adult table and NOT the kids' card table!!!  It was also interesting since her dining room is so small; but we all fit, even though we rubbed elbows a little!!   Papaw was going quickly downhill then, and we all knew it was just a matter of time before God called him home.

That week, I was studying for my chemistry and algebra finals at NCTC.  I remember exactly when I heard that Papaw was gone.  I was in my room, studying for my chemistry final when my dad came into my room to tell me.  At first, it was almost this feeling of relief, since Papaw would not have wanted to linger in pain and such.  But then it was just a feeling of "he's really gone" that followed.  I'll be perfectly honest, and I don't know if I've ever even shared this with my family: I had a hard time grieving.  Yes, I was very sad that he was gone.  Words could not and cannot describe how much I still miss him and hearing his voice on the phone.  But it was almost like I was in a deep state of denial for a long time.  Maybe it's because I had time to accept that he was going to die, and I was prepared for it.  Whatever the reason, I still cry sometimes whenever I think about him.  He recorded an interview for a WWII museum 3 years ago, and every time I listen, I can't help but cry because I miss his voice, and I miss his humor.  My Papaw was probably one of the most amazing men I could ever have been blessed to know besides my dad.  He was one of the most stubborn yet kind person you could hope to meet.  When he talked politics, you knew EXACTLY where he stood on certain issues.  When he talked God, you also knew exactly where he stood on his faith and walk with Christ.  He was also loyal and faithful to my Memaw, exemplified when she had her hip surgery over a year ago.

I'll never forget witnessing this one little simple act of love when she was in the hospital recovering from her surgery.  Papaw didn't want to leave her side, but we finally convinced him to go back to Skellytown for the night.  But he made sure that, before he left the hospital, he kissed Memaw on the forehead and cheek.  I don't remember if he told her he loved her (pretty sure he did), but just witnessing the strong bond there nearly made me choke up right then.  They would have been married 60 years this last March if Papaw hadn't passed away last December.  Along with my parents' example, I hope that I have a marriage that lasts at least half that time, and that at the end,  the love that was there at the very beginning is still going strong at the very end.  This also brings me to saying something about Memaw; she faced his death head on and refused to be coddled because she wanted to learn to be on her own.  That, to me, is one of the things I admire the most about her because I really doubt I could have been that strong!

Papaw is gone, but I know it's only temporary.  He is having a time in heaven, and I'm sure he and Bailey are closer than ever.  I can only imagine what that reunion looked like!  and as Mr. Magorium said, in a quote that I will always find to be true: "When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words." 

Thanksgiving is Nearly Here!

Can you believe that Thanksgiving 2011 is nearly here?!  In exactly 2 weeks from today, I'll be on my way home to spend Thanksgiving with my parents, a welcome break from my amazingly crazy/busy school schedule.  After that it's a week back at school, then 4 weeks home for Christmas!  It's so hard to believe that the fall semester is drawing to a close, and I can cross one more semester off my list.  This spring promises to be even busier, since I have to take two classes not in the program (to hopefully finish meeting my pre-requisite requirements).  I was told to take another fine arts course either in the spring or summer, but since I'm sure the spring will be at least 18-19 hours with my extra 2 courses included, I'm going to try to save that fine arts course (if I do end up taking it) for the summer.  I plan on talking to the registrar's office, because I've been told two different things by two people and if I don't have to take another course, all the better for me time wise and better for my parents finances-wise. 

I have my first test for this 2nd round of classes on Tuesday.  I think that this round has fewer tests than the first round did, which can either be a good or bad thing.  One class has a ton of projects (all of which I've finished except for 2), while another is more practical and hands-on with everything.  In that class we practiced IV injections, placing IVs and IV catheters, drawing blood, etc. just this week.  It's been a fun time since we get to apply what we learn in practical ways.  In our Food Animal Lab on Monday, I was lucky enough to witness the birth of a calf to a first time mother.  Our professor had told the first lab group (we were the second/last) that we'd probably never be able to see that happen at the dairy, and we ended up seeing a birth that very day at the end of lab!  It made being out there later worth it, and it was a first-time experience for me that I enjoyed.  I've never seen the birth of an animal, and as the calf was born, I'll be honest, I kind of got choked up.  It's amazing that an animal that large can be in another animal during that time.  Miracle and wonder of God's creation!  I look forward to getting to hopefully help with more things like that in my future. 

Well, I'd love to make this a lot longer, but I've got radiology shadowing this afternoon, and I have to finish getting ready! :)

Nearly There...

Whew.  My goodness, it's been a whirlwind of activity since August, and even since I last updated my blog.  Right now, we're currently in the process of wrapping up this first round of classes, as I had 2 finals this week (Anatomy and Physiology Lab, Radiology lecture), with 3 coming up next week (A&P lecture, Terminology, and Radiology Lab).  We'll start a new round of classes next Wednesday, which hopefully won't end up being as stressful as the first round was!
   Our Vet. Tech fall festival is this Sunday, Oct. 9 (1-6 p.m. in Starkville, MS at the Moncrief Dog park if you're interested!!! ;) ), and I'll be glad to get it over with.  We didn't have a lot of time to plan it out, so I hope it's successful.  One thing I know though, out of consideration for the juniors that will be coming in next year, we should do some planning for this event and not just drop it in their laps!  I also hope that if we have something in the spring, we start planning it now. ;)
     In other news, I've been accepted/inducted into the Gamma Beta Phi National Honor Society.  I was inducted Tuesday evening.  In order to be a member, you have to do a community service project every month, which might be problematic since my tech. schedule is so up in the air right now, and sometimes things happen last minute with meetings and such.  BUT, it only has to be during this year, and we skip December since school lets out so early in December (like the very, very first few days of Dec.).  So I'm hoping that the GPB thing won't cut into anything with the program, but who knows? 
     This weekend promises to be extremely loaded/busy, what with studying for 4 finals and the festival on Sunday.  So, I better get off here and do some of that studying! ;)

3 weeks down...

Somehow it's really hard to believe that I'm already 3 weeks into the fall semester, 2011/2012 school year.  It just doesn't seem at all possible!!!  I guess when you're so focused on things, you lose track of time.  I think I'm finally starting to develop a studying routine, as well as getting into the rhythm of doing things.  That helps me out a lot in that I don't walk around like a headless chicken wondering what to do next!  The past two weeks have been kind of trying for me, as last week saw me have a near meltdown (more on that later).  I let homework slide, did things last minute, and all around, just wasn't in the right headspace. 

Back to my mention of my meltdown; you know by now that this is the first time I've ever been away from home for any extended period of time (summer excluded).  It's been very, very hard on me to get used to being on my own, being responsible for my meals and myself, and all in all just being 12 hours away from home and not getting to go home every other weekend.  I think a lot of kids here who do have family 3 or 4 hours away take for granted the fact that they can travel home in a weekend to see their family; I can't.  My only times to see them are Thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break, which I suppose is something I should start getting used to, considering that, when I get out into the 'real world', I won't be able to come home every weekend, or be able to do whatever I want to whenever I want.  I'll be tied to a job with set hours and an employer who determines when I can take off.  Not trying to make that sound bad at all, but just stating a fact.  anyway, couple being homesick with not having a group of friends to "hang out with",  and not really feeling at home at church (that will hopefully change in the coming weeks), it makes for a very depressed me. 

But, I know things won't get better unless I try to change them.  I can't sit around moping if I'm not willing to do things to remedy the situation (like going to another church since I'm not happy with the one I'm at right now), but then I'm stuck because I HAVE to develop time to working on projects, papers, and studying.  Right now, it's hard for me to determine when I can and can't have fun, and for how long.  Sounds like it should be easy, right?  Well, I'll gladly argue with you on that point.  But I'm sure that once I get more into the groove of things, learn to manage my time a little better, and otherwise, I'll be able to do more "fun" things that I want to do.


Sorry if this depressed any of you.  But you know, misery loves company. :) :p

I've Survived! (Meant to have been Posted a week ago)

The first week of classes is officially over with as I type this.  And I've survived!  I'm still getting into a rhythm of things, because I'm still trying to figure out how to balance free time with homework, and still figuring out a way to "perfect" my school routine (like having to change into scrubs and back into dress clothes between classes!), but I'm slowly getting there.  My apartment is still not fully unpacked (you should see my bedroom and closet!), and I'm planning on spending most of the weekend catching up with reading and homework since I was without some of my books this past week.  Bad decision on my part not to go to the Vet college library to keep up, but anyway, it's in the past.  I really like all of my teachers, and as I'm getting more and more used to things, I really enjoy getting to know all of my classmates and my instructors better.  I don't feel disconnected from my instructors as I have in the past at NCTC, which is probably due to the fact that we will work with these instructors for 2 solid years, and we'll get to know them pretty well (and truthfully, they'll get to know us pretty well also!).

I can't really believe it's nearly September; it seems like the whole 3 months I've been here has just flown by so quickly. I can't really believe that I've spent the whole summer here, it just doesn't seem very possible. 

And  I typed this towards the end of August; so I'm going ahead and posting this one, following up with a new, current post.  

My Journey...so far (because it's not nearly close to being over with!)

This summer has been a difficult/long one.  I'm not talking the heat index we've had here of 112+ for several days in a row.  Summer school has worked me over to the point where I felt emotionally exhausted at the end of June.  Not only have I had to deal with new surroundings, I've had to adjust to the new way of doing things here at State.  This university is NOTHING like North Central, and I've had to remember that each and every time I walk into a classroom.  I certainly realized it during Trigonometry (more on that later), and I've realized it pretty much every day since.  I've also had to get used to the thought that I'm kind of on my own.  A LONG way from home.  This summer/coming year will mark the first time I've ever lived away from home and out of state.  Ah!  I've had to deal with being the minority in my dorm (not that it's a bad thing...it's just different and hard to get used to), and I had to deal with a roommate for 5 weeks whose rhythm wasn't quite matched up to mine. Back to my school subjects, I thought trigonometry would nearly kill me!!!  But surprise, surprise, it didn't.  I even eked out a B (I still think there was some sort of mix up! haha).  Physical science I passed with a C, but all that is required of me is to pass, and I figure if I can do all that and end up with a C or a B, I've done well.  Currently, I'm 3 weeks into taking Earth Science (geology), and it hasn't been too bad yet.  My lab is much harder than my lecture (my lecture tests are SUPER easy :) ), but I'm hopeful I'll be able to pass it with flying colors.  These courses have absolutely nothing to do with my major; however, as long as I get the credits I need, I won't complain.  I'm just really looking forward to the fall to see what all is in store for me!

On another front, I've been extremely blessed in these last 7 1/2 weeks.  I've made some friends through church and Bible study that I probably wouldn't have made had I not said to myself, "Get over your shyness and meet people.  God doesn't drag people to you, nor does He drag you into a meeting."  So, I had to overcome my own shyness and self-consciousness to be willing to try something new, and the effort I think has paid off.  I really enjoy my Bible study group, though I'm still getting used to the church; I'm so used to things being done a certain way that it's hard to get used to anything else!!!  I also will admit that I'm still biased in preaching (my dad is a preacher after all ;) ), and also in music directing (Miss Mona is still the best one, in my opinion!).  Leaving behind the familiar and everything you know is as hard as they say.  I had a really hard first 2 weeks, and I won't deny that I cried plenty of times during those 2 weeks.  Then again, nobody said that growing up was easy or enjoyable, and if any kid comes to me and says they can't wait to grow up, I think I owe it to them to tell them that growing up isn't carefree, nor is it something you should want so badly that you neglect what you're going through right now.  I used to think it'd be fun to be an adult, but now I don't know!  Being an adult has certainly helped me see more of who I really am, and taking responsibility for myself is a much bigger job than I imagined even 2 years ago. 


While home will always be where my parents are, I think that God can use that separation as a time for testing my own faith and self.  I've felt myself tested to the point where I said, "I really want to go home."   During the last 2 months, I've been reading through the book of Psalms, sometimes journaling and sometimes not.  I noticed that when I was having the hardest time(s), I would read a Psalm that talked about how God is always on my side, and how He never abandons us in troubled times.  There are so many of those Psalms in the Bible, but I found it funny how I read them during the times I needed to hear them most.  Not an accident, in my opinion. 

This will probably be it for a long time...not like I blog often anyway, but I hope that I'll be super busy in the fall. :) 

Playing Some Catch-Up

I haven't felt much like blogging.  I even bought myself a journal and I haven't written a thing in it since March or April. I'm TERRIBLE at doing things like this! But regardless, here's a little update. 


First, May 12th I finished out my 5th and final semester at NCTC.  It's really hard to believe I've been out of high school for two years...and honestly, every time I look over old papers it's hard to believe it's been that long since I wrote them!  While I haven't received back all of my grades, I do believe I made it through with 3 A's and a B.  I was really hoping for an A in chemistry, but *sigh*, I could only pull out a B, which is actually okay with me.  I was making a B in the middle of the semester (!), and so I knew that regardless of what I made, I could be happy with the work I did. 

May 13th I had surgery to remove all 4 of my wisdom teeth.  Some people were saying, "Friday the 13th?  Isn't that a bad day to have surgery?"  I didn't think so. I don't put stock in things like that, as I don't believe Christians should be afraid of so-called "bad luck".  The surgery went fine, except the recovery has been kind of rough.  Yesterday was probably the worst, as I had taken pain medication on an empty stomach, which resulted in severe stomach cramps, which then resulted in everything coming back up.   As I type this, I still am wearing an ice pack around my face because I'm running a slight fever and my mouth is still somewhat sore.  I can't wait for the day, though, when I get to eat normal food again and am able to chew like everybody else.  So far my diet has consisted of ice cream, pudding, jello, and the like, which normally wouldn't be bad, but when that's the majority of what you can eat, it gets really tiresome! 

That said, I'll be glad to have this all behind me since the next two weeks will be super busy! Summer classes start June 1st, and I have to be in the dorm by May 30.  That's only about 2 weeks away, and I'm beginning to worry I won't have a thing ready!  This week will be full of packing and deciding what to keep and what to leave home.  I've had countless people tell me they wish I wasn't going away, but as my parents have always told me, I have to spread my wings eventually.   People ask me if I'm excited to leave, and in a way, I am.  It's always exciting to move on to the next step in life, but also a little nerve wracking.  I mean, it will be the first time I'll be living away from home, and it's not like I can go home for the weekend.  For 10 weeks, I'll be in school nearly 5 days a week, and those classes last nearly all day.  So I doubt I'll have time to feel homesick much (or so I've been told; I don't really believe it. ;) ).  I did get accepted into the veterinary tech program, and I'll be part of the 2nd graduating class of the program!  So far I've had to take 2 rabies pre-exposure vaccines, with a third and final shot to come this week.  And I've been told countless jokes about THAT as well.  No matter, it's all in fun.  The program will no doubt be tough, but I am going to make it.  I've come way too far to just throw in the towel now. 

that's about all of my update.  I doubt I'll be blogging much through the summer, but maybe here and there I'll post a little something. :-)

Do Hard Things-My Thoughts So Far

I don't know how many of you have heard of Alex and Brett Harris.  Ever heard of www.therebelution.com?  Well, if you haven't, you should check them out.  Alex and Brett are the younger twin brothers of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" author Josh Harris.  Their book, "Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations" has been out for a while, but I received it when I graduated from HS in 2009.  I started to read it, but quickly lost interest in it and never picked it back up until recently.

I don't know why I picked it back up; something inside me just really wanted to read it, to see what it had to say to me.  I can say that I'm very glad I listened to that little voice because it's been a rewarding read.  I haven't yet finished it (I'm to part 3), but it's said some things to me that I've taken to heart.  I was reading it when I volunteered at one of the vet clinics in town in 2009, and the technician asked me what I was reading.  I showed her the book and her response was, "Hard Things?  I don't want to do hard things!"  If she only knew.

Doing hard things can be small things.  One example I love that they gave in the book was "drudging along through chemistry".  Boy, I can certainly relate to that!  I didn't think I would make it through my first semester of chemistry, but I did.  And with a B.  *Yeah I nearly fell out of my chair when I saw that on my transcript*.  Chemistry was certainly a hard thing for me to do, and in the big scope of things, it wasn't all that important!  I mean, it must not seem important to most people.  It was to me.  I had an inner drive to do my best at that course because I didn't want to fail.  I stumbled and fell a couple of times, but I didn't fail.  Even with the death of my Papaw, and even before then, with his failing health, I was able to focus on my ultimate goal: making the best grade I could on the final that would raise my grade to a B.  I don't even know how I stayed focused during finals.  Inside I was an emotional wreck; I had a friendship coming to a screeching end, one of the men I loved the most was dying, and I wasn't sure if I was going to pull through the semester with a C or not.  The hard things that I find hardest are pretty small.  College is a "hard thing" that I have to adapt to; I have to learn to adjust how I study, how I work, and that doesn't stop with the first semester.  Every week I have to re-adjust a schedule, or how I do things....and sometimes it's infuriating.

"The problem is that when you stay inside your comfort zone, you're essentially refusing to surrender your life fully to God; you're avoiding the hard things He is calling you to do."-Paraphrased from the book.

I think that really sums up this post.  My hardest thing in life is getting out of my own comfort zone, something I have to do often.  In fact, this fall, I'll be forced to get out of my comfort zone as I move to Mississippi (11 hours away from home), and start on my own.  Do you know how scary the very thought of that is?  Yet I know that God has something awesome in store for me if I'll just trust Him and follow where He leads.  If you don't take a step out of your comfort zone and be willing to follow Him, why call yourself a Christian?  Why claim to want to serve Him?  

 Get out and do hard things! And pick up this book before you do. You won't regret reading it. 

Returned

Well, I haven't blogged in several months...for good reason, but now I'll try to blog every now and then. Here's a quick update of everything that's gone in in the past few months:

One, I'm finishing up my second (and final) year at community college.  Where am I headed to after that, this fall?  Mississippi State! Yup, I'm moving 12 hours away to a school I've never seen, much less attended.  My sister and bro-in-law will be there though, along with my niece (due in February), so I'll be in good hands should I need somebody.  I'm very excited, but also very scared at this new opportunity that God's given me.  We haven't yet figured out how we'll pay for the tuition, but if He wants me there, He'll work it all out the way He needs to!

Actually there isn't much that's happened since I last blogged; I did finish Lady in Waiting, and of course I've read a lot of books since then!  One book that I'm currently reading is called, "Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion against Low Expectations" by Alex and Brett Harris.  It's really said some things to me that I can't argue with, but I'll post my thoughts on it later!